Shades Of Grey
by rameau
Summary: A house, a gilded cage and an arranged marriage. Are the empty vows EJ and Sami took to be respected?
1. Chapter 1: Empty

**Chapter 1: Empty**

A suitcase was laid on the bare wooden floor. Steps echoed in the empty rooms as a trail was made through the layers of dust. Long, cold and lonely years had left their mark in this squeaky old house. He could almost hear the distant cries of those damned souls who had once inhabited there. He breathed deep the damp and thick air as his gaze wondered around the room. He had never before considered that he might possess a well-developed imagination, but as he walked through the empty rooms he could see the house as it once had been. In his mind there were warm colours, candle light and little steps running around. He vowed to himself to return the house to its former glory with his own two hands.

"You can't live here." The words were spoken with a bored tone by the sweetest voice he had ever heard. He felt his heart jump as he turned to meet the vision standing by the arch. He felt like crumbling down into elementary particles just at the sight of her, but the cold grasp of guilt and self-blame tightened its iron hold over him. His expression solidified and the last glow of hope in his eyes died. Keeping his voice empty he spoke:

"I can and I shall. I'll restore this house and make it into a home, for someone else."

"EJ", Sami rebuked him quietly.

"No Samantha, don't try to talk me out of this", he stopped her and met her questioning gaze through an invisible shield, "You've taken everything else, please give me this."

"It's for our families, they are the reason-" Sami began her reasoning once again but stopped. He all ready knew what she was about to say. She had told it all to him before. Many times EJ had listened and tried to embrace the logic behind her words and actions. And every time his heart had rebelled. Then one day everything had changed and his resistance had died.

"_These may be empty vows to you but I intend to respect them. I'm giving my life and my last hope of having a real, loving family to you in order to end this feud between our families. I agree to marry you and keep up the appearances for others, but I need time Samantha. Give me the time I need."_

"No one will believe our marriage to be true, if we aren't living together", Sami said as gently as she could make herself say. His reply was short and to the point:

"Restoration of this house is the perfect excuse. Or are you more afraid of your family talking you out of what we've done?"

"No", Sami shook her head sending the long locks of strawberry blond hair to an elegant dance.

"Go home to your twins Samantha. Go home and enjoy your last moments you have free of me and this gilded gage you've built for us", EJ said still standing in the middle of the dark and murky room.

He looked so tall and lorn that Sami had to avert her eyes. If only she hadn't insisted on this, Sami cussed to herself. If only she hadn't made him promise and if only she hadn't made the mistake of following him to this house and if only so many things hadn't had to happen, her life would be so much easier. Following EJ through that slanting front door to this world of mould of and rodents had somehow erased all the colours from Sami's palette. Her world was now full of different shades of grey. Looking at the isolated man in front of her Sami had difficulties remembering why exactly she hated him and why this marriage of theirs was in name only.


	2. Chapter 2: The Vows

**Chapter 2: The Vows**

Sami was lost in deep thoughts as she made her way back to the Penthouse. She and the twins had been staying with Marlena and John ever since her marriage to Lucas had ended and the father of her children had walked out of her life with Will. Sami hadn't had the courage to stay in a place haunted with so many torturing memories. She had been happy there. Moving across the hall to EJs apartment was out of the question as was moving to the DiMera mansion. To her surprise Sami had finally received the support and acceptance she had been longing for her whole life, when Marlena had invited Sami and the twins to stay at the Penthouse. Sami had accepted the invitation thinking that she and EJ would find a suitable place to live in within few weeks if not within few days. That had been before Sami had learnt that EJ had all ready found and bought an abandoned house without consulting her. The most ridiculous part was that EJ planned on restoring the house on his own without help. Sami knew that EJ would only end up hurting himself with the tools he didn't know how to use. She also knew that those inevitable injuries would only prolong the time EJ would spent at the house away from her and the twins. Part of Sami wanted to thank EJ for efficiently postponing the charade they would have to live in, but she couldn't.

Something had changed, changed utterly the moment EJ had stopped chasing after her. He had pursued her persistently right up until their wedding and the vows they had taken. Something had made him stop and give in to her demands of letting her be. Just like that EJ had relinquished all his schemes and he had stopped trying to make Sami love him.

As Sami inspected her closet and saw her wedding dress, she flinched. Sami cringed as she saw the hideous gown she had worn on her wedding day. _Never has there been a more beautiful bride or as miserable. Samantha, please smile. _She hadn't smiled. She hadn't even tried to grimace. Sami had felt like kicking and screaming but she had been serene and walked slowly to EJ and the priest waiting for her. She had stood there in front of him with dry eyes and she had spoken the words which had condemned them.

"_I'm here with my eyes wide open and my heart bursting with tenderness. My head is filled with happy memories, which I want to fade in comparison to those I'm about to make. My soul sings with those souls I love the most. I'm pledging my hear and soul to a man who holds then in his hands. He has the power to break me and make me whole again. He has always had that power over me and he always will. I'm here to bind myself to you EJ."_

Sami had stood there waiting EJ to speak and watching the life drain out of him. As Sami had embraced the sacrifice she was making for her family and as she had started to consider the possibility of becoming friends with EJ again, he had diminished. His eyes had grown colder and finally dead. EJ had started to whither away. He had changed right in front of her eyes and then he had just walked away.

Sitting on her bed Sami stared into nothingness as she travelled back in time in her mind. She went to that horrible day which could have been the start of something new and beautiful but instead had become the gateway to her own gilded gage. She remembered vividly his words and the quivers she had felt at the sound of his voice.

"_Before I met you, I did not know what love is. I never thought I would someday cherish the anguish and misery simply because it was brought on by the love feel for you. I never realized how meaningless my life was until I met you. Against my head and reason my heart was conquered and branded and I wouldn't have it in any other way. My life, my soul, my heart, everything that I am is yours now and always. You, Samantha, are my home."_

_**A/N **_**_Please know that your reviews are the thing that keeps me writing. They also help me to motivate myself and climb over little obstacles... like the little melt down I had today: "What the hell am I going to write in those infamous vows?!_**

**_Now why would that be a problem for me?_**_  
_


	3. Chapter 3: The Starlight

**Chapter 3: The Starlight**

EJ finished tidying up the room he had chosen to be his bedroom while he was renovating the old house. He laid his open suitcase on the floor and reached for a clean T-shirt. It was late but he didn't feel like sleeping yet. He walked past the simple mattress acting as his bed to the window and gazed into the darkness. He caught a glimpse of the stars twinkling above his new home and he felt the chills running up and down his spine. He wished that the memories brought back by the sight of those dim lights had been happier. Leaning his forehead to the freezing glass and breathing heavily to the window EJ tried to erase that one night from his memory.

What had happened that night had all been in vain, just as wasted had been the time he had used to choose the right words for his vows to Samantha. EJ had poured his heart and soul into those few short sentences only to verbally slapped. Even on their wedding day all Samantha Brady had thought about, was her precious lap dog of an ex-husband. She hadn't lied, EJ admitted bitterly remembering her words. Had Lucas been there that day to hear her words, EJ would now be witnessing a blatant affair between _his _wife and her ex-husband. In her vows Sami had started by talking about her family and children: _"I'm here with my eyes wide open and my heart bursting with tenderness. My head is filled with happy memories, which I want to fade in comparison to those I'm about to make. My soul sings with those souls I love the most." _And she had continued by promising to return to the man who had never been worthy of her:_ "I'm pledging my heart and soul to a man who holds them in his hands. He has the power to break me and make me whole again. He has always had that power over me and he always will." _She must have been proud of being able to cut EJ so deep that easily on that day, on their wedding day. As Samantha had finished reciting her vows, she had said made a silent promise with her eyes. "'_I'm here to bind myself to you EJ', _only until Stefano dies." In that moment EJ had felt like going to his father. He would have done anything to find another way to end the feud between the Bradys and the DiMeras, but it had been too late. The ceremony had ended and all that EJ could do, was to walk with his wife to the reception area.

He had patiently suffered through those few agonizing hours and met the judgemental gazes of the Bradys with his cold look. He had quietly listened to his own father congratulating him and welcoming Samantha into their family. He had worn that simple gold band on his finger though it had burned his flesh. He had drank more champagne than was good for him and he had taken his wife to her temporary home at her mothers penthouse. He had stood there while she opened the door and he had turned his back and walked away. And he had kept on walking.

Through the shady, cold streets EJ had found his way to the edge of the town and into a dark forest. He had stumbled his way through the woods and he had found this house. Standing alone in the cold starlight the house had greeted him and welcomed him in. EJ had stayed there on the front steps that night. Unable to close his eyes and fall sleep, he had spent those long hours by torturing himself with the bitter-sweet memories he had of her. He missed the casual friendship they had had that first summer after he came to Salem. And even more than that, he missed her spirit. EJ had shared his memories as well as his drink with the house and in the morning, when the sun came up, he decided to make this house his home. Only his.

EJ leaned back and caught the wandering tear with his shirt he was still holding in his hands. Samantha would never share this room with him, nor would she stay with him long enough to give this sham of a marriage a chance. EJ felt the shackles heavy around his heart. He was and would always be tied down, bound to her but she didn't need to be. That night, under the cold starlight and in that same house, he made another promise. He would find a way to set her free.


	4. Chapter 4: The Mourning

**Chapter 4: The Mourning**

She heard someone knocking on the door and she stopped. Sami really didn't want to open the door to another well-meaning but ultimately rude and nosey guest. She, Belle and their mother had seen enough of those during the last couple of weeks. All these people had loved John and still sometimes the sheer shock caught Sami off guard. She had spent so many years of her life hating John for something no one should have been blamed for, that Sami now had difficulties grasping the truth: She had loved John too.

Hiding behind the corner like a coward she was, Sami stood still and waited as she heard her mother walk to the door and open it. Sami couldn't see the person but the expression on Marlena's face was something she hadn't expected to see. _It must be EJ_, Sami had time to think to herself before she saw the tall man step into the penthouse. He said something to Marlena with a low voice and Sami saw her mother unclench her teeth. Her expression softened considerably as Marlena raised a hanky she had all ready drenched for the third time that day and blotted an escaping tear from the corner of her eye and from between the perfect eyelashes covered with waterproof mascara. EJ hesitated before reaching out and offering a dry handkerchief to his mother-in-law. Sami stopped breathing as she witnessed the total meltdown of always so composed doctor Evans Black. Marlena crumbled and EJ was just in time to stop her from falling to the floor. He held the older woman patiently in his arms as she leaned on him and cried her heart out once more.

The door was opened again when Belle walked in. Sami wanted to move but her feet felt like lead and so she stayed and spied as the others cried and consoled each other. Again Sami was left out as her family bonded and even leaned on the man who had brought this terrible fate on them. What had been left intact of Sami's heart shattered when little Claire made her way to the group and demanded to be held. As now Belle and Marlena were keeping each other upright, EJ raised the little girl to new heights and gave her a loving hug.

Sami couldn't take it any longer. She had to show herself and become part of this obscure play. She quivered and pulled herself back to the shadows when EJ gave Claire back to her mother and nodded to the two women. He said something and waited to be pointed to the right direction. Sami followed his shadow with her eyes as EJ made his way to the twins room. Taking a deep breath and wishing herself invisible Sami followed him silently. She stood outside of the nursery door and peeped in. She saw EJ admiring the sleeping babies and heard him sighing deep. Then she heard his soft voice and that accent which made her shiver. He spoke about his day and about the house to the children. EJ described the panels he had uncovered and the story behind the layers of those years covering them. He told them how he had spent the long hours at the house working until utter exhaustion, but even that wasn't enough to keep him away from _his precious children_. As Sami heard him say those three little words she witnessed an expression of desperation reach his face.

"You do know that in the end, biology is nothing", EJ said and Sami realised he was talking to her.

"That's the thing that scares me the most", Sami replied and stepped through the door into the room where he could see her. Only then did she realise how thin and weak did he look. Skin and bones and nothing else was his body. Gulping and thinking back to happier times Sami remembered how divine his body had been and how his tight muscles had quivered when he moved. This man who was standing in front of her now, was nothing more than a frame of his old self.

"Have you eaten?" Sami asked trying to evict the concern from her voice. He shook his head and turned his gaze back to sleeping twins.

"I'd hold them if I wasn't afraid of waking them", EJ suddenly said with a dull, lopsided smile.

"If you would hold them, I'd be scared that you might drop them", Sami said sharply stepping closer to him and the cradle. Softening her tone she asked:

"When was the last time you slept?" The dark shadows under his eyes spoke a language of their own. When he opened his mouth to lie or to distract her, she silenced him with a movement of her hand.

"You can sleep here tonight", Sami said and continued with an explanation, "I can't let you get back on the road on a night like this when you are as tired as you are."

"So you do care after all", he snorted with a smirk plastered on his lips.

"I just don't want your death on my conscience", she deflected.

"If you say so", EJ surrendered to her will all too easily and asked, "Where?"

"My room is across the hall", as he arched his brow Sami said, "Don't get any ideas. I'll be sleeping here with the children or downstairs on the sofa." She didn't need to finish the sentence by saying: _"Anywhere but with you." _EJ nodded and walked to the door. He turned to look at her once more.

"Goodnight", he said and walked away leaving Sami to shiver.

_**A/N **Upcoming chapters or some of them will include smut. Consider yourselves warned._


	5. Chapter 5: The Dream

_**A/N This chapter includes smut, so if you are underaged, back down from this fic right now! Adults, proceed. **_

**Chapter 5: The Dream**

As she was getting closer to the door, her steps became shorter and slower. She kept her head down planning to just rush past the room, again. Sami stopped herself to count just how many times she had walked pass her room with the pretext of getting something for the twins or a glass of cold or hot drink for herself only to end up pouring the liquid to the sink and heading over to steal another glimpse of the sleeping man.

Instead of repeating the pattern, Sami opened the door slightly and sneaked in. Silently she walked to the bed and stood there for the longest time watching his peaceful face. In his dreams EJ seemed almost happy again and it had been so long since Sami had last seen a sincere, happy smile on his handsome face. Wanting to reach out and touch his face but fearing of waking him up, Sami resisted the itch on her fingertips. She grabbed the next best thing and pulled out the sash of her negligee and let it drop to the floor. Sami walked around the big bed and slid under the covers next to him. Leaving plenty of room between the two of them she laid on her side watching his profile. She closed her eyes imagining him to reach out to her and taking her hand in his. Sami yearned to feel his arms around her and his warm breath in her hair. She closed her eyes imagining his hands all over her body and wandered into the endless land of dreams.

She woke up from deep, relaxing sleep and felt the heat of several layers of covers on her skin. She felt like melting as she reached to the other side of the bed. She was expecting to find another warm body under the covers but only thing she found was chilly imprint of one. Forcing her eyes open, Samantha searched for the man who had been sharing her bed. He wasn't there.

Wrapping the sheet tightly around her naked body Samantha got up from the bed and took small steps as the walked around the bed to the window. It was dark outside and the streetlights illuminated the wet cold streets. She heard the door. Samantha held her breath as she waited to hear the inescapable words. She never heard them nor did she hear the silent steps as he walked to her. Standing right behind her, his body nearly touching her but not quite, he gently gathered her wild locks and braid them. He pressed a slow and shallow kiss on her neck. Samantha leaned back against his bare and hot chest waiting impatiently him to wrap his arms around her.

"Where were you?" she whispered and sighed as his lips followed the familiar trail from her neck to her ear and to her temple.

"I had to take care of something", he whispered as his hands wondered down her arms bringing them in front of her and locking her wrists in his tight grip. With his free hand he liberated her from the sheet that was constricting her. As Samantha was about to cry out his name he silenced her with a kiss.

"Don't. Don't say my name unless you want me to stop", he said as he ended the kiss.

"I don't think there's a word bad enough to describe you", she hissed and he chuckled.

"Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you", he said and waited to see if she complied. Samantha closed her eyes and waited. She felt something hard and flexible against her belly. Her muscles tightened unintentionally as she felt it move lower and lover. She finally figured out that the stick EJ was tormenting her with was made of leather. And that it had a tail. Samantha opened her eyes wide open and dropped her jaw just as he twirled her around in his arms and kissed her again.

"What-" Her question was interrupted with a quick lash. Samantha felt her bum starting to tingle as he finally showed her the short, multi tailed leather whip. And before she could protest he flicked it again. Samantha reached up grabbing his neck and pulling him down to a kiss thrusting her hips against his and scorching his lips with hers. He reached down laying his hands on her buttocks pulling her up in his arms.

Slowly he danced her to the bed and fell backwards on it taking her with him. Samantha straddled over him and running her fingers under the waist of his jeans. She was leaning to kiss him and her lips were still glued to his when the third light whiplash met the tender flesh of her fanny. She retaliated by biting through his skin and tasting his blood. Her tongue made a wet alley down his neck and chest to his tight abdomen. Samantha struggled to open the buttons of his jeans as slowly as possible and ignored the impatient grunts he was uttering.

"Be patient", Samantha whispered as she breathed her warm breaths to the recently exposed skin under his jeans. Quickly she got up and pulled his jeans off.

"Patience is not one of my virtues", he protested as he laid naked on the bed waiting for her to join him again.

"Close your eyes", she replied as she walked to the chest of drawers. Making sure his eyes were closed and almost losing herself in his knowing smirk, Samantha reached for the oil. She walked back to the bed and straddled him again and spilled the oil generously over his chest.

"May I open my eyes now? he asked as Samantha sank her fingers in the oil and spread it all over him. She used her time trying to make his muscles relax and guided his arms over his head and reached for the other item she had picked up. By the time he figured out what was going on it was too late. She had chained him to the bed.

Keeping his eyes closed he asked:

"What are you doing?"

"Taking control", Samantha replied torturing him with with her fingers and quick kisses. She moved down on his body again massaging him and teasing him with her and breasts. She soaked herself with the oil she had used to cover him.

"You can open your eyes now", she promised as she resumed her position over him. Moving the attention from him to herself Samantha started caressing herself imagining his hands to replace hers.

"You are wicked", he groaned as she traced the curves of her hips and moving to her belly and down. She slipped her fingers inside herself only grazing her clit and quivering as the jolt of sensations ran through her spine.

"Samantha", he begged and the sound made her tilt her head.

"Aren't you glad that saying my name wont make me stop?" she asked and rubbed her hips on his again. Samantha rose her hips and grabbed his cock. She tightened her grip as she leaned to kiss him and eat his growls. When she sat again she took him in infuriatingly slowly and paused. She tried tensing up her muscles without moving. Her eyes were closed but she heard the clacking as he tested the chains. They held him in his place and Samantha started to rock. It took all the strength she had to keep the pace sluggish for as long as possible. With every swing of her hips he met her with a thrust but she made him fight for each inch. Finally the tremors took over her body and she collapsed over him shouting out his name:

"EJ!"

Wanting to hold her but unable to escape the chains he teased her:

"You just can't be serious about wanting me to stop _now_?" Samantha chuckled as she realised that he hadn't gotten his release. She reached out to unlock his chains and happily surrendered to him. EJ rolled her to her back and held her close as he started moving inside her. Samantha felt feeble and safe in his arms as they reached the second peak together. After recovering the fall while Samantha was snuggling under his arm, she heard him ask:

"Where did I put that whip?" Samantha felt the light kiss he pressed on her head and smirked.

"I don't know", she said just as the lash met his thigh.

Sami woke up to the tingling sensations on her bum. As the flashes of the night reached her once again, she smiled with content and reached out to the other side of the bed where he was. When her hand found nothing but coldness and wrinkled sheets she opened her eyes looking for him. EJ wasn't there with her any more. He had woken up and left her, and the thought of that abandonment brought the mist to Sami's eyes. She sat up in her bed and looked around the room again. He wasn't there but her negligee was. Someone had picked it up and folded it for her and that someone was EJ. Sami took the negligee and wrapped herself in it wondering was this as close as she would ever get to him. His hands on the fabric caressing her body.

As she went downstairs, she heard jolly noises from the kitchen. It sounded like EJ was charming every woman in the penthouse but Sami. At least Marlena and Belle were feeding him, she forced herself to concentrate on the positive. Fearing what others might say, Sami steeled herself for the confrontation and stepped into the kitchen. She was welcomed with cheerful good morning wishes and happy gazes from everyone but him. He avoided looking at her. She saw his mouth twitch but he remained quiet. Not a word was said between EJ and Sami during the breakfast and Sami felt the growing need to explain herself. Therefore, when EJ got up to leave, Sami imitated him and walked with him to the door.

"EJ, about last night", she started but he interrupted her.

"Nothing happened, Samantha." She looked up in his dark and sad eyes wanting to scream: _"But something did happen!"_ Instead she nodded and said:

"I know that but-"

"No buts, Samantha", he cut in again, "Thank you for allowing me to rest here last night. I'll make sure never to repeat that mistake. I'll ensure I'm fit to drive away the next time I come by to see the twins." He assured her not realizing it was the last thing she wanted to hear. It had been like this ever since their wedding. Every time Sami had made even the smallest effort to resume their friendship, he had deflected her and pulled himself even further back behind those thick walls of his. Not knowing what to say and realizing that he would never oblige her urge to kiss his cheek by bending down, Sami touched her lips with her fingers and reached up to brush the corner of his mouth. The transferred kiss made him flinch back and escape the penthouse. Sami was left staring at the memory of the scorching flicker in his eyes as her fingers had met his lips. Her fingers still tingled.


	6. Chapter 6: The Touch

**Chapter 6: The Touch**

EJ closed the door behind him and leaned on it. He felt like he was returning back to his safe haven after a triathlon. The sawdust and plaster were his comforting friends. He cussed to himself once;

"I should have known better". And then he cussed again:

"I did know better."

Exhausted like he had never before been, EJ slid down to sit on the floor as he remembered what her fingers had felt like on his lips. He should have been ashamed of himself. But he wasn't. The thrill of her touch was enough to sustain him and his hopeless love for her. She always managed to surprise and intrigue him with the things she did. And that morning she had nearly killed him.

His heart had stopped when he had opened his eyes and found Samantha there in the bed beside him. She had looked happy in her sleep. EJ could have spent the day watching her sleep and he would have had she not writhed in her sleep just as he was about to brush a lock of hair away from her face. He had evaded the flinging arm and escaped the bed as Samantha had called out his name in her sleep. His lips had burnt with the desire to kiss her. Instead he had backed out of the room and tried to sneak out of the penthouse unnoticed before anyone else woke up. He had no such luck as he crossed paths with the insomniac doctor Evans. When EJ had tried to excuse himself, Marlena had simply demanded him to join her and her daughter at breakfast. EJ remembered hearing her mutter under her breath something about his weight too as he had been forced to sit and eat.

Then Samantha had come down and joined them at breakfast. She had kept her eyes on him waiting for something, EJ didn't know what, but he had chosen to ignore her pleads. Escaping the penthouse had become his priority but unfortunately Samantha wasn't about to let him go that easily. She had followed him and stopped him at the door. She had tried to find an excuse for why she had felt the need to sleep in her own bed instead of some uncomfortable couch even though his own lifeless body had occupied a half of it. EJ had been tired and Samantha had probably saved his life last night by insisting for him spent the night at the penthouse. Regardless, it wasn't enough to make EJ hope against hope that Samantha might actually feel something for him. No, that door had long been closed and locked. The key probably hadn't existed in the first place.

Like an tired old man watching not to break his bones, EJ got up on his feet and limped to upstairs. He tore the shirt he was wearing off his withered body and flung it to the corner. Her scent lingered on and as he closed his eyes, he could almost feel her in the bare room. Her icy fingers running up his spine to his shoulders, down his arms jumping to his sides and slipping in front of him tingling his abdomen. As he breathed in he imagined what it would feel like to have her pressing her body against his back, teasing him, having her turn to face him and smile at him, to kiss him willingly.

Though Samantha had made it more than clear that she would never be persuaded to feel anything towards him, he dared to steal short moments of hope. Only to himself did he admit his wildest dreams. In those hidden dreams he was granted another chance to turn things around for them, for Samantha and himself. Reason told him he was playing with fire again and that this torment was only self-inflected pain but sanity had nearly abandoned him. A sad lopsided smile occupied his lips as he remembered the young fool he had once been. He had actually thought he could get it all, just for one passing moment he had believed the impossible to be possible and within his reach. Then it all had imploded.

EJ sighed and shook his head trying to rid himself of such evil thoughts. He was so close to getting what he wanted for her and for their children. _Her children. _He really should learn to call those beautiful babies as _her _children instead of their or his because soon enough, Samantha would be free of him.


	7. Chapter 7: The Basket

**Chapter 7: The Basket**

Sami knocked on the door and stood back waiting. No one came to open the door and the silence surrounding the house was eerie enough to make her jump at the slightest noise. She reached out and tried the door. It wasn't locked. She stepped in to the house and looked around. There had to be more secrets he was keeping from her, Sami deducted as she walked around the house. There were no bloodstains and the work EJ had done actually looked good. Sami could start to imagine what the house had looked like years ago before it had been abandoned. She could imagine it as a home.

She laid the the basket she was holding to the floor and went to the stairs. Her steps were absolutely soundless as she made her way to the second floor. There she found things a bit more unorganized and his bed. The narrow, nearly filthy mattress had clean sheets and candles beside it. Next to the outer wall were his casual working clothes laid. The small window didn't have curtains and Sami knew that the bright morning sun would surely wake anyone sleeping in the room. She walked to the window and looked outside only to hear the steps behind her. Suddenly she twirled around and came face to face with the man who had been hiding from her.

"EJ", Sami sighed, "You scared me." A feeble smile was her attempt to set him at ease. He remained expressionless as he nodded:

"I apologize Samantha. What are you doing here? Is something wrong with the twins?"

"No", instinctively Sami took a step closer to EJ, "No, nothing is wrong with the twins. I came here- I came here because of you." His relief changed into wonderment as his eyebrow arched.

"Because of me?" EJ responded with ridicule in his manner.

"Yes, because of you", Sami repeated, "I wanted to make sure you have enough to eat and I wanted to see the house too." He didn't react to her confession. Instead he nodded again and said:

"I thank you for the thought but I can take care of myself, because I am after all, a grown man."

"Right now you look more like a skinny little boy who is afraid of- something. I don't know what it is but you are scared EJ and I don't think I've ever seen you as scared as you are now", Sami said gaining some self-confidence.

"Why are you really here?" he sneered avoiding her gaze. Deciding to back off for now Sami said:

"What did you say to my mother? How did you made her let you in the penthouse?"

"Is it really that important to you?" he stabbed back.

"Yes it is", Sami nodded. There were just too many unanswered questions between them and she didn't want this to become one of them. There was so much history and bad blood between John and EJ that it had been a small miracle to see Marlena accept him as a guest and a sizeable miracle to see her lean on EJ.

"I just told her the truth. I told Marlena that regardless of everything that had happened between John and I, I had learnt to admire him and look inspiration in his actions."

"Is that all?" Sami asked as EJ tried to make his escape. He stopped by the doorway and stole a short glance of her before saying:

"I also told your mother that the world was a better place because of John Black."

"What didn't you tell my mother?" He sneered again and this time he met Sami's eyes. His gaze was freezing:

"I didn't tell your mother that I was taught to respect the greatest DiMera soldier ever, nearly a DiMera himself. I didn't tell her that I was inspired to search for ways to kill a man with my bare hands but I never quite measured up to his example. I didn't tell her that the men John Black killed, were worse than any DiMera you've ever seen."

Sami stood still too terrified to move until she realized it was exactly what he wanted. She shot a cheap shot at him:

"It's something only a DiMera would do." At first she expected EJ to turn and grin at her wickedly and say something along the lines of: _"You are a DiMera too." _Instead he surprised her with a sharp command:

"Don't! Don't use my name as a curse." EJ breathed deep and tried to regain his composure.

"I don't need you bringing me baskets of food and I don't need you telling me when I should and should not rest, Samantha." The frustration was shining through his edgy movements as he continued speaking in a cold tone:

"You really don't need to come here, at all."

"Then how am I to know that this will be as much my home as it will be yours?" Sami snorted with an arrogant smile on her lips. Her smirk died when she met his eyes and finally realized. This house wasn't going to be her home. It was going to be his home, and only his. EJ was shutting her out of his life. Sami gasped as the pain in her heart reached her eyes.

"Just go", he pleaded with her and she was more than willing to oblige. She didn't see just how bitter-sweet his victory had turned out to be.

_**A/N **Reviews are loved. Even though I don't always reply I do read and appreciate the time you take to give me feedback. It's what keeps me writing and it helps me to move forward with the story I want to tell. Thank you for reading._


	8. Chapter 8: The Truth Is

**Chapter 8: "The Truth is..."**

Sami ran out of the room and down the stairs. She rushed through the house and pass the basket she had brought with her. She ran out of the door and to her car never stopping to catch her breath. Frantically she searched for her keys as the tears soaked her face and neck and as the wet shroud blinded her. She heard the keys hit the ground and her legs failed her. It hurt. It hurt more than she wanted to admit to herself. In her head Sami knew what a ridiculous thing this was but reason had nothing to do with what she was feeling. The overwhelming hurt and pain fluctuated in her and she cried until there were no more tears in her. She cried until she was about to pass out as the weakness took over her body and soul. She cried until her eyes were dry and she could finally see the keys she had lost.

He stood in the shadows looking though the window. Finally he saw her get up and drive away from him and from the house. When he slowly forced himself to relax and his fists to open, the blood rushing to his fingers and palms found a new route to the open air and with the help of gravity on to the wooden floor. His nails had cut through the hardened skin in his hands but he never felt a sting. It took everything he had within him to keep breathing. As another dose of dazing air burned it's way to his lungs, his withered body fought to make it his last. Cold shivers quivered his body and he finally leaned to the wall. With his shoulder against the window frame and his feverish brow against the cool glass, he gave into the nature and breathed again. Slowly the pain returned and the ominous escape from this torture deserted him. In his thoughts he said the words, which had kept him from running to her.

"The truth is, Samantha dear, the truth is that this is the only way. We can't ever be just friends again. Though my heart will always be yours, this is the only way to set you free."

"Sami? What is it?" Belle entered the empty nursery when she heard her sister sobbing in the dark by the window. Her silhouette was something an artist only dreams of catching on the canvas.

"It's nothing Belle", Sami denied as she quickly blotted her eyes and wiped her nose.

"Sami don't lie to me", Belle said and went to sit next to her sister. Hesitating for a moment she reached and offered a tissue to Sami. Belle watched her big sister grab the tissue and flash a quick smile to thank her before bursting to tears again. This time Belle didn't wait. She got up and pulled Sami into a tight hug and waited.

When her blouse was drenched Belle squatted and met Sami's red eyes in the pale moonlight.

"Tell me", she said with the softest tone she had and repeated her behest when Sami shook her head.

"You have your own problems Belle, you don't need to hear mine", Sami said trying to escape back to her own little world.

"Tell me", this time Belle used her demanding tone.

"I'm not like you Belle. I never really had friends to tell all my problems to, not before-" Sami shut up again and Belle nodded without trying to hide the pity in her eyes.

"I've been lucky but I am your sister Sami. We've never been that close but it doesn't mean it couldn't change. Tell me", Belle said and brushed Sami's hair away from her eyes.

"It's too late", Sami shook her head again looking out to the dark night.

"It's never too late Sami, not until-" Belle gulped, "not until death comes between us." Sami met Belle's eyes with her gaze and touched her face lightly.

"I'm so sorry about John", Sami said still fighting back her tears.

"I know you are", Belle nodded, "But dad's death wasn't your fault."

"Maybe, maybe not", Sami just said and added, "I don't want to fight about that any more."

"Then tell me what's wrong", Belle demanded again and this time Sami gave in.

"The truth is that I don't know."

"I think you do", Belle protested quietly rubbing Sami's arms comfortingly.

"I wish I did", Sami said sounding little more like herself, "It would make this so much easier if I did. It would help me to understand myself."

"No offence Sami, but you are the queen of denial", Belle objected, "You know. You just don't want to face the truth, what ever it is."

"If only it would be that simple", Sami sighed and leaned to the cool glass of the window.

"Start from the beginning then", Belle suggested, "I'll listen." Sami nodded and started fumbling though the painful memories.

"I've always been the black sheep of the family and that's why it was so important for me to go though this marriage with EJ, to end this vendetta. Don't-" Sami said as Belle opened her mouth automatically to object, "Please don't interrupt me or I won't ever be able to say these things." Belle nodded and sat back to listen.

"I know that you and the rest of the family thought I was nuts but I ended the vendetta, didn't I?" Sami said searching for a confirmation in her sisters eyes. Belle reluctantly nodded. Stefano still found ways to make their lives uncomfortable but never again had he threatened to take a Brady's life.

"I made the right choice", Sami said silently to herself more than to Belle. There was a hint of wonder in her voice as the first revelation hit her.

"I left the man I loved and chose my family because it was the right thing to do, though that's not all. I know everyone detests EJ for what he's done to me and to our family but the physical threat never crossed my mind. I wasn't afraid for the twins or for my own safety. I knew EJ would never hurt me or my children and it wasn't just because he claimed to love me nor was it because he saved my life time and time again. I just knew", Sami said acknowledging the second piece of her inner truth, "I was afraid of Stefano and I feared Andre but never feared EJ. I never thought that he would harm me, others maybe but not me. The fact that I trusted my life in his hands didn't mean that I felt safe with him. Lucas saw it even when I didn't." Belle looked at Sami trying to understand.

"He knew me", Sami explained, "He always knew what I was thinking though I tried to hide it. EJ knew my mind and he knew that I didn't love Austin. He knew it, but he waited for me to figure it out myself. He knew that I yearned for my family's acceptance even if it meant lying to myself about who I am. He knew I was doing a disservice to myself and he tried to tell me but by then I had found out who he really was and I would be damned before I would listen to a DiMera." Belle reached to take Sami's hand in hers as Sami confessed the heartbreaking truth:

"My first real friend was a DiMera who had been lying to me. When we first met and became friends, he supported me and accepted me for who I really was. He never judged me. He was a DiMera and he supported me more than any Brady ever had. The truth is that he lied to me." Sami prepared to fight back the tears she knew were coming but her eyes remained dry. She had the nagging feeling that she was missing something important.

"EJ knew before I knew that the love I feel for Lucas had changed. He knew that I was lying to myself. As much as I wanted and tried to distort the history we had, we never had the great romance I said we had. We used each other even when Will was conceived. We never were each others first choices and when I finally did fall in love with him, our connection was more physical than mental. I wanted to give Will the family he had always hoped for but we failed. Lucas couldn't find it in him to forgive me and once more he chose Carrie over me. It didn't matter to him that Carrie really loved Austin, Lucas wanted Carrie. And at some point after our wedding was called off and before my non-wedding to Austin, my love for Lucas changed. Once I learned that EJ was a DiMera I tried so hard to reach for something I had lost and no longer existed. I tried to built a life with Lucas but we failed. Though he might say we never really had the opportunity to concentrate in us, that's not the truth. The truth is that we were trying to live among the pieces of broken love." Sami squeezed Belle's hand and said:

"You said I am the queen of denial. I've certainly earned that title with my marriage to Lucas. When he said his goodbyes to me, I was relieved more than I was sad. Though I was marrying a man I didn't love and losing the man I claimed I loved, I was relieved to see him go. Lucas didn't love me the way I deserved to be loved, nor did I love him the way he deserves to be loved."

"Is that why you are crying?" Belle asked suddenly, "Are you mourning the lost love you never really had?" Sami shook her head.

"No, it's so much simpler than that. Though losing Lucas was difficult and committing myself to a man I didn't love broke the trust my family had in me, it's not why I'm heartbroken. I don't love EJ but I thought that- I started hoping that I could get my friend back. My only true friend", Sami sneezed, "I thought that we could learn to be friends again and as such make this marriage of convenience work."

"I thought that EJ wanted more", Belle said softly fearing what she might hear next. Sami nodded.

"So did I. He said he loved me but since the day we were married, he has avoided me. He stopped trying to persuade me and try to make me love him and now-" Sami's cries turned to howls, "Now he wants to cut me out of his life. The house he's renovating will be his home, only his. I don't know what he's going to tell Stefano, but it appears he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Belle dared to ask.

"Still the queen of denial talking. When I was with Lucas, I had to push EJ away. I had to say that I didn't want him to be part of my life. I could do anything, and still I always knew that EJ would always be there. I always knew he would be part of my life in a way or another. If he wasn't a friend to me, then he was an enemy, but he was always present. Now, he won't be!" Belle held Sami as she sobbed again. She waited and listened and when Sami had calmed down, Belle dared to ask:

"Why would you want a friend who only hurts you?"

"Because he was the one to say that I deserved someone who loves me unconditionally and that I deserved to be someone's first choice, but then again he was lying at the time-"

"I can't believe I'm saying this", Belle muttered, "But he was right. EJ was right Sami, you deserve to be loved unconditionally and you deserve to be the first choice. What ever he was lying at the time, wasn't that."

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant that he was lying about who he was-" Sami started and froze in mid sentence.

"Sami? Sami, what is it?" Concern in Belle's voice finally reached Sami who muttered.

"EJ was lying about who he was. The whole time he was lying, when we became friends and when we kissed, he knew."

"What did he knew?" Belled demanded to know. To her surprise Sami met her gaze with shining eyes and a flicker of the old Sami.

"EJ knew I was a Brady."

"Of course he did", Belle said without realizing what Sami was trying to say.

"EJ knew I was a Brady and he knew he was a DiMera! Don't you see Belle? He knew!" Sami jumped up starting to walk back and forth.

"I didn't know but he did. He knew!" Sami kept saying as Belle waited. Finally Sami stopped long enough to explain to her little sister:

"EJ claims that he loves me and I guess he does, in his own way. But that's not the point. The point is that he knew, the whole time he knew. He lied to me about who he was and why he came to Salem but he knew, the whole time he knew I was a Brady. He knew that our families were enemies. He knew that when the truth would come out that I wouldn't stand the sight of him. The whole time EJ knew that he was playing with fire. He knew he shouldn't and still he fell in love with me!"


	9. Chapter 9: But Is It Enough?

**Chapter 9: "...But Is It Enough?"**

He stopped. The sandpaper in his hands was still coarse enough to match the stubble on his face. The hair in his neck was drenched with sweat and tickled him as the cold breeze snuck in from the open window and attacked his feverish body like pins piercing his skin. He barely trembled as the attack continued and the coldness reached his bones. He felt like he was made of glass and he would have been more than happy to shatter like it. Swaying in his place, he listened to the sounds of the night. Once again he travelled back to that night under the starlight when there still had been hope. He remembered her smile and the compulsive feeling which had made him pull back. When he had walked away he had thought it would be only for that night. Now he knew that it had been for ever. His eyelids were closed and the humming of blood rushing though his veins filled his ears. He wanted forget. No, that wasn't what he wanted but it was something he needed. He needed healing, which only time and space could provide him.

"You really should have opened the basket I left." Like a lightning her voice struck. Taking his time to pull himself back to the shell of broken body EJ contemplated the words he would say.

"I thought you went home." Her steps carried her closer to him consuming the space he needed to survive.

"I did." He resisted the urge to look at her and to show his utter confusion. Thus he missed the sight of something he had been aching to see for months. He missed the glimpse of the woman he first fell in love with. The sassy vixen was making her comeback though the endless layers of self-deception but with the smallest sign of discouragement she was about to return to her dormant stage. As if fighting back an inner demon, she stopped herself from running away again.

"Do you need help with sanding?" She asked instead and went to stand by his side like an equal. There she felt the cold breeze and realized something was wrong. EJ was standing there shirtless with trickles of sweat running down his face and torso. Sami reached to touch his skin and almost jumped back as she felt the burning flesh against her fingertips. She cupped his face in her hands and made him meet her gaze. His eyes shone the heat of the sickness gnawing his body.

"You need to see a doctor", she said and took control of the situation, " Come on, I'll take you." Sami pulled his arm over her shoulder and started to lead him to the door and out to her car. At the arch he grabbed the wall and stopped. He refused to take another step.

"All I need is sleep", he said with a breathless tone and turned his flaming eyes to her, "If you would be so kind to turn off the lights and close the door as you leave." He took few steps to the stairs and stopped to regain his balance. Sami ran to him. Letting him drape his arms around her, she helped him to stay vertical. Knowing the difference of losing a battle and a war she nodded.

"Upstairs then." Slowly and carefully they climbed to his bedroom. EJ faltered and fell. Breathing shallow breaths he closed his eyes and slept. Sami watched him escape to another world away from her and felt the sadness take over again. She found an all too small blanket to cover his sick body.

As she watched over his restless sleep, Sami made decision. She would refuse to give in and she would not let EJ cut her out of his life. Knowing the truth wasn't enough, feeling it was essential to her. Sami needed him in her life. She needed someone to tell her when she was getting carried away and she needed someone to tell her when the only one she was fooling was herself. Sami needed EJ to be part of her life for many reasons but most of all she needed the friend she hadn't known she could have. After he decision was made, she made sure all the windows were closed and snuck downstairs quietly. Sami turned off the lights and walked out of the front door. She was leaving but she would return soon enough.


	10. Chapter 10:Another Night Under The Stars

_**A/N **Another Smut tainted chapter. Underaged readers, consider yourselves warned and skip this chapter. Adults, enjoy._

**Chapter 10: Another Night Under The Stars**

It started as a memory. He was there, in the park again. He was standing in the chilly wind under the bright stars waiting for something, for someone. He knew it was foolish to hope that she would come, but he waited. Inhaling the crisp air he took few quick steps and danced alone a short little dance. He was wishing tonight would be the last night he would have to do that, because the next day was his wedding day. Despite the fact that his bride was less than willing, he faced the future with hope beating in his heart. One day, with time, Samantha would learn to love him and be his as he had always been hers. As he took another step and twirled himself around he came face to face with that angel look-alike. Under that beautiful skin there was an alluring little devil hiding and that devil had won his heart. But today, he was just happy to see the angel arch her brow and trying to hold back the laughter that would make his heart sing. He reached out his hand and bowed. She took his hand and stepped into his arms and let him guide her as the music only they could hear began. His lips were bent into a peaceful smile though his mind was racing through the obstacles he would still need to surmount when it came to her and winning her trust.

"Thank you for coming", he whispered as they kept dancing and gliding over the dew.

"I still don't know why you wanted to meet me here", she replied quickly almost as she would have been out of breath. He felt her chest moving rapidly up and down against his. Reluctantly he slowed down and ended the dance. He made sure she had caught her balance before removing his steadying hands from her waist. He forced himself to take one significant step back. Hiding his fists in his pockets and keeping his head down he bit his lip and finally said what he had come to say.

"You don't need to do this Samantha. You don't need to go thought this wedding."

"What?" The shock in her voice was evident as was the refusal she was signalling with the shaking of her pretty blond head.

"Why are you doing this now EJ? I've asked you before to end this feud between out two families without dragging me away from the man I love and you have declined. What's different now? Can you guarantee a cease-fire between our families without this marriage of convenience?"

"I can't", he replied shrugging his shoulders and continued, "And as to why now, because this is it, Samantha. If we cross this line, there's no going back. I've tried not to but I must accept the truth. The truth is that you don't love me. And by trapping you into this loveless marriage I'm only trapping myself."

"I thought you were willing to make that sacrifice", Sami replied with concern shining in her eyes.

"I thought I was but the more I think about it, the more it gnaws me. I do love you Samantha, but you don't love me, you despise me, tolerate me at best. Being married to you doesn't exactly help me to get over you", EJ explaining feeling the need to take another step back and add to the space between Samantha and himself. He had to make sure nothing he did bothered her while she made this important decision. Samantha remained quiet and in deep thought.

The adorable little furrow between her eyebrows was the last thing EJ recognized because then the dream of a memory changed into a fantasy. A serene smile took over her lips as she quickly walked to him, reached her hand and painted his lips with her gentle touch. She grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down to a passionate, feverish kiss. EJ knew this was only a dream but Samantha felt so real in his arms and her lips were as cool as that night air burning his lungs. He felt her fingers on his collar bone and running down his chest and wondered when had Samantha gotten rid of his shirt. EJ wasn't complaining. He knew after all that this was only a dream and no matter how real it felt, Samantha would never touch her like that.

Suddenly they were surrounded by candlelight and they were laying on silk sheets. They lips were embedded together and it was an endless fight with their lungs to keep that connection. It was his turn to pull her closer and ran his fingers through her long hair as he sat up and she moved to straddle him in his lap. He let his hands wonder from her neck to the buttons chaining her chest all too tightly. One by one he opened those locks and with each opened button he pressed a light kiss on her cheek, temple, neck, ear and jaw. His fingers trailed the soft skin and found another binds biting into her flesh. Though these binds were embellished with lace he instinctively knew she would be happier without them. And so her brassiere followed the blouse to the oblivion as her fingers studied the new lines on his back and all the hills and valleys between his rippling muscles. Their bodies were pressed tightly together as Samantha laid her mouth over his once again and clawed his back leaving long marks dribbling with blood. He moved his hands over her bum and trailed her slender legs to the edge of her skirt. Slowly he eased his fingers under the clothed and pulled it up and up all the way to her waist revealing another band of lace clinging to her flesh but this time EJ didn't feel the need to liberate her from those restraints.

She started rocking her hips knowing exactly what she was doing to him. He wanted to take back the desperate moan which escaped his lips as the smug smirk appeared on her lips. Samantha pushed him back to the horizontal and started nibbling his flesh. He groaned as she undressed him and found a new tender place to seek her teeth in. His inner thigh tingled as she breathed her warm breath on the teeth marks she had just made and tasted the blood again. He was more than ready to tackle her and start another dance but she continued teasing him, torturing him. Losing his patience EJ reached out and grabbed her stretched hand currently clawing his abdomen and pulled her to lay on him. Their faces were close enough to tease each other with their breaths but not close enough to silence the burning demands of their lips. Slowly he reached and trailed her sides over the wrinkled fabric of her skirt to her buttocks. His fingers quickly found their way under her panties and met the watery grave waiting for him. He used long and light strokes designed to make her scream with frustration. He teased her with his fingers always promising more than he was willing to give her right then. Even her teeth biting to his neck wasn't enough to make him stop.

Samantha squirmed. She obviously wanted to pay him back and make him wait but the desire within her demanded fulfilment. As she was about to beg him, EJ heard her silent plea and tore apart her panties. She reached to grab his cock and guided him within her as she straddled him. Samantha had to stop for a moment and all EJ heard was a blissful sigh. Then she started moving again. Unwilling to let her set the pace he grabbed her hips and held her still until she leaned over to kiss him. That was when he loosened his grip and started meeting her rocking with his thrusts. Once her hips were free he found new use for his strong fingers. Every time Samantha thought she couldn't be surprised again, he found a new way to caress her and tease her clit as she kept on rocking.

This wasn't the time to hold anything back and he let all the love he possessed for her shine through his eyes and in his dream she met his adoring gaze with her own. Together they climbed the mountain and reached the peak. Surrendering together to the seizures they ended the marathon and Samantha collapsed on top of him, or did he pull her in his arms, no one knew for sure. But the exhausted long kiss was their goodnight and he fell asleep happy with his arms wrapped around her.

EJ woke under a soaked blanket with a surprisingly heavy arm wrapped around him. Even in the dim light he recognized the nail polish and quivered. Slowly turning his head he saw the golden locks. As his gaze wandered he saw the temporary curtain shutting out the daylight. He also saw a stack of medicine next to the basin and basket waiting for him. Not wanting to wake up her, he slipped out from under the covers trying to avoid touching her. He tried to remember and make sense of what had happened. All he could remember was the cold wind howling and his own memories haunting him as usual. When had Samantha come to him and what had happened last night? He stole a quick glance of his chest and to his relieve his skin was intact. As he squatted next to the mattress he heard her ask:

"Are you feeling better?"


	11. Chapter 11: The Daylight

**Chapter 11: The Daylight**

Sami laid on his bed under the blanket she had brought with her. She leaned her head on her hand and inspected the marks EJ now bore on his back. She bit her tongue to keep herself from snickering and forced herself to concentrate on him and his pain. EJ looked weak and beaten. He reached for the towel and hesitated for a moment before asking:

"Why are you here?" Sami heard all the other questions hiding behind that one he had voiced._ How did you get into my bed? What exactly happened last night?_ She wondered should she tell everything and risk scaring him away once again, or should she modify the truth and only tell him what he needed to know. She made her decision and spoke:

"You were ill when I came by. You wouldn't see a doctor but I couldn't possibly leave you here alone. I made a quick trip to the penthouse and returned with some supplies." After a while, all he said was:

"I see." Sami pushed herself up clinging to the sheet.

"Has the fever passed?" she asked.

"I'm fine", EJ replied keeping his back turned to Sami. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to hear her or to sense her scent. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Could you go? I need some time alone", he said keeping his eyes fixed on a crack on the wall.

"Sure", he heard her say. He heard the rustle of the sheets as she got up and walked away. He kept his eyes shut and exhaled slowly. He felt faint but refused to reach for the medicine Sami had brought for him. His heart was aching and finding her beside him again had shattered his self-confidence. EJ didn't know how much more this he could take. He needed to find a way to dissolve this travesty of an marriage. He needed it as much as she needed to be set free, if not more.

Sami sat on the stairs between floors. She sat there waiting patiently EJ to call for her or to come to her. A hint of remorse passed through her but she soon brushed off the the feeling. She had made a mistake by climbing in his bed and holding him through the night but his arms had been so inviting. And Sami wanted to be held, she needed to be held. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind when she had promised herself to fight to keep EJ in her life, but she was ready to live with the change.

Now all she had to do was to convince EJ to let her in his life again. And that might prove to be a more difficult task than she had imagined. The last time Sami had seen EJ like this had been on the eve of their wedding. EJ had called her asking her to come to the park where she had found him dancing to the non-existing music. There he had offered her the chance to call off the wedding. Sami could still remember what his arms had felt around her that night as they had dance and how much it had disturbed her to see him back away from her. She knew it had been his way of giving her the space she needed to make her own decision, but that small step had bothered her enough to cloud her judgement. When Sami should have been thrilled of this turn of events, all she had been able to think about was that space between EJ and herself. And she had pondered a while before promising to go through the wedding. She couldn't remember exactly what had been said but what she remembered had brought the last happy smile on EJs face. After that he had changed. They hadn't seen each other until at the altar where Sami had had the privilege to see his spirit die.

"I thought you left", EJ said as he came down the stairs. He was trying to walk past her but she stopped him.

"Why would I leave?" Sami asked and tilted her head, "I still need to take your temperature."

"I'm fine and you aren't a doctor", he said and moved to the other side but she moved to block his way again.

"Last night you were standing in a freezing breeze and sweating. You were burning hot and weak. You are not fine. You need to see a doctor."

"No."

"I thought you knew me better than that. I don't give up until I get what I want", Sami pointed out and smiled innocently.

"All I need to do is to be left alone so I can finish what I've started. I need to make this house liveable again and I need to do it alone. Please leave Samantha", EJ said barely holding on to his patience. If only he hadn't been so tall.

"I can arrange that-" She started but he cut in:

"Thank you."

"If you'll have dinner with me tonight."

"No Samantha. I have too much to do", EJ declined.

"You'll have dinner with me or I'll call the doctor and arrange a house visit", Sami threatened.

"You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I? Think very carefully before you answer." He remained quiet and immobile forcing Sami to speak again. She tried to placate him:

"It doesn't have to be anything fancy. We can have a picnic here. Just the two of us."

"You win. I'll pick you up at seven tonight", EJ said quickly and Sami laughed.

"What? Are you scared of being alone with me?"


	12. Chapter 12: The Dinner

**Chapter 12: The Dinner**

Sami had done her best to be ready but she had almost forgotten her wedding ring, which had slipped out of her finger earlier that day. At first Sami hadn't even realize she had lost the ring but she couldn't leave until she had found the ring and put it on its rightful place. Somehow slipping that cool band on her finger had calmed her and completed the armour she would be wearing that night. The blue silk dress reminded her of another dress she had worn so long ago. Sami had chosen the dress to please Austin but EJ had enjoyed the sight too as Sami had poured her out to him on the roof of their old apartment building. She had told him all her fears and desires, every bad thing she had done and he had listened to her without judging. He hadn't been completely honest with her about his own past but they had shared so much during that first summer.

"EJ is here", Belle said leaning to the frame and looking in to Sami's room, "You look beautiful. It's almost like you are getting ready for a date."

"I'm having dinner with my husband", Sami said choosing a lipstick and slipping it into her handbag.

"You've been calling EJ that quite often lately", Belle pointed out and walked into the room.

"It's the truth", Sami said meeting Belle's eyes through the mirror, "How are things with Philip?"

"Don't change the subject. We can talk about my affairs later", Belle deflected the attack, "Have you fallen in love with your husband of convenience?"

"I don't think I'm capable of love", Sami shunned answering and turned to hug Belle, "We'll talk when I get back. Okay?"

"Okay. Sami, please be careful. Don't get your heart broken again over a man who doesn't deserve you", Belle whispered to her as they parted.

"I wont."

EJ watched her come down the stairs. A memory of another time and place flashed in his mind and EJ saw her tearful eyes as Sami had explained with great attention to detail how everyone had always chosen her older sister, Carrie first. With every step she took, he said a little prayer begging for the strength he would need when time would come to let her go. EJ helped her on with the coat and escorted her out of the building and to his car. They remained silent avoiding to even look at each other. He concentrated on keeping them on the road and she refrained seeing how his suit sagged on him. He had made a reservation at a new secluded restaurant where no one they knew would bother them. Bitterly Sami realized that he was protecting her again. EJ didn't want Sami to have to explain this date of their to her family. The Brady's considered this marriage as a flimsy facade.

The waitress brought them their drinks and the menus leaving them to choose. And as they familiarized themselves with the menu, a thought came across Sami's mind.

"You still haven't answered my question", Sami said suddenly, "Are you afraid to be alone with me?" EJ stole a glimpse of her over the menu he was holding and confessed.

"Yes I am."

"Why? We are husband and wife aren't we?"

"We may be married but we aren't husband and wife. I don't think we'll ever be", EJ said and sipped his drink, "Have you made up your mind?"

"Don't change the subject", Sami rebuked him, "Maybe we aren't husband and wife in the traditional sense of the word but I don't see why we can't be friends."

"It's too late for that", EJ said staring at her with those mesmerizing eyes of his.

"That's not what you said on the eve of our wedding", Sami reminded him.

"I was wrong", he snarled quickly continuing more coolly then, "Things have chanced. I no longer harbour any hope of making you fall in love with me. I've accepted what can not be. Why can't we leave it at that?"

"Does not loving you romantically automatically exclude the possibility of a friendship?" Sami asked trying to hide the pleading tone strangling her heart.

"Too much has happened between us Samantha. I can't stop loving you and you can't love me. Friendship requires trust and there's none between us", EJ said beckoning the waiter to come and take their order.

Little later Sami found herself staring at the fork on the opposite side of the table moving a piece of a carrot back and forth. The ironic part was that she was mimicking his movements.

"When did you stop eating meat?" she asked just to say something and cut through the silence suffocating them.

"I eat meat", he replied without looking at her.

"Then why is your serving untouched?"

"Why is yours?"

"EJ, we aren't children and you need to eat", Sami said and grabbed the napkin from her lap and threw it on the table.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Come on, let's get out of here", Sami said and reached her hand to EJ. She still was waiting for him to take her hand when the waitress rushed over to them.

"Is there something wrong with your food?"

"No, nothing", EJ said gazing into Sami's eyes. Gracefully he handed the waitress few notes:

"There's an emergency and we wont be able to enjoy the delicious meal but this should cover the bill. Thank you." He got up from his seat, walked to Sami, laid his hand on her waist and led her out. As they reached the car he asked:

"What exactly did you have in mind? Do I want to know?"

"I should have known", EJ said an hour later as he sat leaned to the hood of his car and explored the content of the wrapping he was holding. Sami laughed as she finally saw him sink his teeth into something willingly and greedily. And the sound of satisfaction he let out made a little butterfly flutter in the pit of her stomach. She reached for the paper cup and drank slowly the cool drink as EJ devoured his burger.

"It's good to see you eating something with such a passion. No, it's good to see you eat", Sami said finally and played with the cup as EJ finished his food.

"Would you please let it go", he said sounding more like his old self.

"How can I?" Sami asked indignantly, "You were skinny enough before you stopped taking care of yourself. I'm expecting to see you fade away and turn invisible if you keep up with this hunger strike of yours."

"I do eat. Why does everyone keep insisting that I don't?" EJ asked sounding sore and conflicted.

"When was the last time you looked yourself in a mirror?" Sami tilted her head and waited.

"Today."

"Not just check for your teeth and hair. I mean really looked yourself?" EJ shook his head making Sami to push on, "Didn't you notice something extra when you put that suit on?"

"Not really", EJ pursed his lips trying to brush of her remarks. When she kept staring at him demandingly, he had to add, "Well I had to make a new hole for my belt." Sami's eyes dropped to the mentioned object. Hoping that the twilight covered her blush she cleared her throat:

"I rest my case." Sami gathered the trash in her hands and dropped them into a paper bag. She was reaching for the burger wrap he was holding, when Sami suddenly realized how close to him she was. She could feel his breath on her face and when she slowly look up from his lips to his eyes, Sami felt the compulsive need to touch him.

"You, umm, you have-" knowing that she shouldn't and that he would never believe her lie she shut up and leaned little closer. His enticing lips were so close. EJ turned and hung his head. It was his turn to clear his throat.

"I think we better go." He stood up and offered his hand to her. Sami looked at his slim fingers wanting nothing more than to grab them and pull him on her and to make love to him right there and then. Instead she took his hand elegantly, slid to the ground and nodded.

"Belle is waiting for me", Sami said reluctantly and let go of the moment which had passed all too soon. The dinner was over.


	13. Chapter 13: Sisterhood

**Chapter 13: Sisterhood**

The door was closed but she wasn't ready to let him go. She leaned to spy through the peephole on EJ, who was still waiting for the elevator to open up its doors and to take him downstairs. When he was gone, Sami turned and leaned her back against the door and let out a sigh.

"That bad?" Belle asked as she came down the stairs and examined Sami's appearance. The older sister didn't know whether to shake her head or to nod so she frowned.

"Ice cream or chocolate?" Belle asked and headed to the kitchen.

"Both", Sami said and kicked of her heels. She loved those shoes mainly because with them she could almost reach EJs chin, but they were sheer torture to wear.

"Both? Okay spill", Belle demanded as she grabbed the ice cream and spoons.

"I'm insane. I don't know what's wrong with me", Sami said and got the chocolate.

"I think it's in our genes and I think it's why mum became a psychiatrist. She wanted to understand herself better", Belle replied and inserted the first spoonful of heaven into her mouth. Moans were heard.

"Did the twins give you any trouble?" Sami asked finally and moved to the ice cream.

"No they didn't. Claire made me call Philip. She wouldn't fall asleep before she had heard his voice", Belle confessed and scooped another spoonful of ice cream.

"Oh, she _made_ you call Philip", Sami said as her brows quivered.

"Yes she did", Belle replied with a calm tone though a gentle blush was rising on her face.

"Wouldn't you have called him without that particular excuse?"

"Probably."

"Then what is the problem?" Sami asked.

Belle inhaled slowly tasting the melting clouds on her tongue and pondered.

"Shawn", the younger sister finally said.

"What about my cousin?" Sami asked.

"Would you please stop calling him that!" Belle said in anger.

"Does it really bother you that much?"

"No, yes, I don't really know. All I know that I really don't want to start figuring out how everyone is related to everyone in this town tonight", Belle replied choosing carefully a piece of the darkest chocolate she could find.

"We'll discard the subject for now", Sami agreed, "Now, what about Shawn? Why is he a problem?"

"I'm afraid I'll make another big mistake", Belle confessed, "I've been in love with Shawn forever and even when I married Philip all I could think about was Shawn. Now that I'm about to marry him, all I can think about is Philip."

"What does your heart tell you?" Sami asked.

"That I love them both", Belle replied instantly.

"If you would have to choose-" Sami started but Belle cut in:

"That's the problem. I can't choose. Every time I try to imagine myself without the other and make myself choose, I end up screaming in my head or working chores till oblivion."

"I see that the denial-gene hasn't evaded you entirely", Sami noticed.

"No it hasn't. I don't know what to do." Sami reached across the table and took Belle's hand in hers.

"What does Philip think about this?"

"He says he loves me and wants another chance with me. Even with Claire being Shawn's biologically."

"And what does Shawn think?"

"He can't wait to start our new live together and take me away from Philip."

"Hasn't he said he loves you?" Sami asked recognizing something in Belle's situation.

"Of course he has. He asked me to marry him, didn't he?"

"He may have asked you but has he said the words for no other reason than to let you know how he feels about you?" Belle hesitated for a while.

"I don't, he must have."

"He must have? Belle, be honest", Sami said gently, "When I asked you what the problem was you named Shawn and now when I ask you a simple question you act like an accomplice covering a crime."

"And?"

"And", Sami repeated the word wondering which words to choose, "And I could tell you what I think but I also know it's better if you figure this out on your own."

"Sami", Belle pleaded, "Please tell me what you think." Sami took some more of the melting ice cream and searched Belle's eyes closely.

"I think you are afraid of letting go and moving on."

Sami was expecting a direct reply but Belle remained quiet. They ate some more ice cream and just sat there in silence. Then Belle spoke softly and Sami nodded when she heard her sisters words:

"I've had this dream of Shawn and me and what it would be, if we got together for so long, that I don't want to abandon it even though it's not what I want any more. It's not my dream any more." Belle played with her spoon and then she met her sisters clear blue gaze:

"Was it like this with you and Lucas?"

"Was it what?" Sami sputtered.

"Was it like this when you and Lucas said your goodbyes? You said you felt relief when he left", Belle clarified and waited for Sami's answer. It was like she had been sailing through a thick fog and finally her ship had reached the end of the mist. Sami had clear visibility of her life again.

"Yes it was, much like this", she uttered and they fell in silence again.

They ate some more before and pondered their individual situations before Belle found the courage to ask:

"Is EJ your Philip then?" Sami shook her head:

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Is EJ your Philip?"

"Why would you ask something like that? Our situations are completely different", Sami protested but wavered as Belle tilted her head and shot her blaming leer at her big sister.

"During these past months you've stopped blaming EJ for every single crime and you've even defended him, don't think I haven't noticed. You constantly say that we should understand him and how his family has screwed up his life not to mention the fact that you've started referring to him as your _husband_. Then there's the fact that you light up every time he's in the room or someone mentions his name. I think it's your time to be honest", Belle spouted her observations.

"He is my friend", Sami defended herself.

"I don't think it falls under the definition of friendship."

"How would you know?" Sami hissed, "It's not the same for you Belle. You've always had friends."

"I thought we covered this earlier Sami", Belle reminded her, "I'm sorry but I can't change the past. Nor can I change my opinion in this matter. It's not friendship you want."

"It's complicated."

"It always is", Belle agreed, "Especially when we are talking about a man who raped you."

"Belle, it's not that simple. I had a choice. Not a pleasant choice but I had one."

"Theoretically perhaps. But forced himself on you. Sami, have you forgiven him?"

"I try not to think about it", Sami replied and reached for the ice cream again.

"But you must."

"No I don't", the tone Sami used was enough to convince Belle to move on.

"Tell me how do you feel about him then?"

"It's complicated."

"Tell me something I don't know, please", Belle advised.

"I'm not scared of him. I know I should be with him being a DiMera and all but I'm not. When I try to lie to myself, that he's a threat, I get this nagging feeling and he can always see through me. That's the part I hate the most, he always sees through me. Denial has been my personal saviour for so long but it has no affect on him."

"Why should it have an affect on EJ?"

"Because that's how I know how to handle them, men. I should have the upper hand here since EJ has openly admitted that he loves me but I don't. Somehow I always melt and find myself thinking, hoping, dreaming-"

"Dreaming of what?" Belle asked with a shrewd smirk on her lips.

"I didn't know my kid sister was that raunchy", Sami laughed.

"How do you think Claire came to be?"

"What's going on in here?" Marlena asked from the door. Sami and Belle glimpsed at each other.

"Sisterly bonding."

"At this time?" It was nearly six in the morning they realized.

"We've been up all night." Marlena shook her head and asked:

"Is there any more ice cream left?"


	14. Chapter 14: A Visitor

**Chapter 14: A Visitor**

He was trying to decide which task to tackle next. EJ stood in the middle of the room and went through in his head everything he had done and what still needed to be done wanting to remember every detail. He should have been thinking about the house but once again EJ found himself thinking about Samantha and the dinner they had shared on the previous night. EJ could have sworn that she had wanted to kiss him but it must have been just a figment of his imagination. Samantha couldn't want to touch or kiss him. She shouldn't want to after accusing EJ for all the things he had done wrong and also for all the things he hadn't done. No, this was just a game she was playing. Samantha had sworn to make his life a living hell once they would be married but why would she need to keep her word now? EJ had made it all so easy for her by buying this house and giving her the space she desperately needed. Did Samantha really hate him that much for taking the decision away from her? No that coudln't be it. Samantha must have realized that Stefano still had more zest for life than she had realized and now she was scared. It would take years before Stefano would make his last move to cheat death and surrender to the grave. Samantha had finally grasped the extent of her commitment and she was scared of losing her beloved fool. She didn't need to be but EJ hadn't told her that yet.

He heard the footsteps but didn't react.

"Who is your contractor?" Bo asked with his head spinning as he tried to catch every detail.

"I don't have one", EJ replied testily,

"Are you telling me you have done all this by yourself? Unbelievable", Bo said still looking around himself. EJ turned to look at the man and said sarcastically:

"Good day to you too detective Brady. What brings you here today?"

"Good police work, what else."

"That short sentence is a contradiction when assosiated with the Salem Police Department", EJ smirked, "But I'll play this game for now. Which clue led to me?"

"Let's just say that this would be a good time for you to get your affairs in order. We'll be making an arrest soon", Bo spoke complacently as he walked around the room.

"That's called a table saw detective Brady. I would advice you to take a step back. We wouldn't want the Salem PD to lose their finest on the verge of an arrest which will take care of your gloomy statistics for this year, now would we?" EJ said sounding laconic. Bo turned his head sharply:

"Are you trying to insult my intelligence junior?"

"No, I'm not _trying _to do anything detective Brady", EJ replied adding another layer to his derision.

"Jibe all you want while you still can, junior", Bo laughed a fake laugh, "Make most of these last free moments you have because I promise you that I'll personally lock you up once the warrant for your arrest comes through."

"Is that right, detective Brady?" EJ asked wryly.

"Yes it is", Bo replied, "And this time you wont be able to wriggle your way out of this."

"I consider myself warned. Thank you uncle Bo."

"What did you call me?" Bo snapped suddenly.

"Uncle Bo", EJ repeated the words and watched as the older man started to boil.

"Listen junior", Bo started hissing, "It was bad enough that you manipulated my niece into marrying you but that doesn't make us family. This fake marriage of yours will end soon enough and when it does, I'm going to make sure you'll never be able lay eyes on her ever again."

"Is that a promise?" EJ asked with a solemn face. He suddenly had this image in his head where Bo was holding Sami and stopping her from running of a cliff just because he himself had just stepped off it. EJ shook his head as Bo gave his answer:

"You can bet on it, junior."

"That's not his name, uncle Bo." Both men jumped. Sami had managed to surprise them.

"His name is Elvis John, not junior and you'd be good to remember that uncle Bo", Sami said walking to EJ and standing next to him gazing sternly at the vexed detective.

Sami wanted to take EJs hand in hers just to show Bo how serious she was, but something in EJs pose stopped her. His walls were up and any attempt to defy them would bring them visible even to the dense lead detective of Salem PD.

"Sami, what are you doing here with him?" Bo asked clenching his teeth together and making that little muscle by his jaw jump like crazy.

"I'm here to see my future home", Sami replied hoping that EJs poker face was intact, "I agree that these aren't the ideal circumstances but this is going to be a home for me and my children, for our children." Sami said and gave a surprised sigh as EJs strong fingers clasped around hers. She turned to look at him but EJ refused to meet her eyes and spoke unnaturally calm:

"I think it's time for you to go detective Brady. As you can see, my wife and I have something to discus and we would appreciate the tact you would show us by leaving, now."

"I'll go, but this isn't over yet, junior", Bo spits the words out of his mouth and leaves.


	15. Chapter 15: A Discussion

**Chapter 15: A Discussion**

"Thank you."

"For what?" EJ asked finally turning to look into Sami's eyes. She smiled and brought his hand to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. She could see the fire burning in his eyes but she could also see him smother the feeling before he opened his mouth to speak again.

"It is I who should be thanking", he paused as if he was reluctant to say the actual words, "So thank you Samantha for standing up for me but I assure you it was completely unnecessary."

"I hate it when he calls you junior. I hate the way he says your name no matter what but using that word is just plain rude", Sami shrugged hoping to shrug off the cold-shoulder she was receiving.

"If you say so", EJ replied and went to gather some tools from various surfaces. Sami followed him with her eyes. She asked:

"If I say so? What is that supposed to mean?" Sami saw EJ tilt his head and pull his lips to a crooked smile as he explained:

"Just that this act you and Bo planned was all too obvious. You don't need to try to convince me of anything. I've made my plans and I intend to keep them."

"You aren't making any sense EJ. What exactly are you accusing me of?"

"Nothing really. What ever you wished to achieve with these theatrics-"

"EJ. I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Was it pure coincidence then that Bo came here mocking me, promising to arrest me and that you walked in and defended me to him?" EJ asked leering at her and clearly waiting to see her lie.

"It was", Sami said honestly.

"You aren't lying. Why not?"

"Because there was no scheme, no conspiracy", Sami felt like laughing, "I think you need to see that doctor. You've been cooped up in here way too long and that sickness you had couldn't have made things better."

"No doctor Samantha", EJ reacted instantly and pointed his hammer at her from across the room.

"No doctor for you", Sami raised her hands and muttered under her breath, "today."

"I heard that", EJ replied and laid down the tools. He waited for a while and walked around the empty, nearly finished room.

"Just one question, Samantha", EJ said and waited for her to nod before actually asking the question he dreaded hearing the answer to, "Why do you care?"

"Why do I care?" Sami was desperate to postpone answering to the question.

"Yes, why do you suddenly care?" EJ repeated his words and leaned to the table behind him, "You wouldn't let me get back on the road when I was tired, You took time to bring me food and drag me out of here to make sure I actually ate something. You even stayed with me through a feverish night and now you are defending me to your uncle Bo, the finest detective Salem Police Department has."

"You really didn't need to sound so sarcastic when talking about my uncle Bo", Sami pointed out dryly.

"I apologize if you honestly think I was wrong to use that tone", EJ offered and patiently waited for the inevitable smile taking over her lips and the light shaking of her head to follow.

"I just want to know why you've done all this you've done for me. Why do you care? No one in this town would blame you for ignoring me or even walking away from my death bed", EJ truthfully reminded her.

"I'm not like most people in this town", Sami replied.

"No you're not and that's why I fell in love with you. You have spirit your family hasn't been able to crush regardless of their best efforts. But that doesn't explain why you still care. I've done some things", EJ stopped to breath and this time Sami could hear the genuine regret in his voice she hadn't noticed before, "I've done some hateful things to you and I certainly wouldn't blame you for leaving me to die-"

"I could never do that", Sami cut in.

"I said I wouldn't blame you for doing that not that you would", EJ said, "And you still haven't answered my question."

"Would you believe me if I told you I don't have an answer for you?" Sami asked hoping for the impossible. EJ shook his head and smirked:

"I wouldn't believe you. I think you know or at least have an inkling of the truth, you are just afraid to admit it to yourself."

"I want us to be friends. Isn't that enough?" Sami demanded to know and to her horror EJ laughed.

"That would be the inkling. Now tell me the truth and remember that I know when you are lying."

"Damn you", Sami snorted, "Damn you for knowing which buttons to push and damn you for-"

"Damn me for what ?" EJ asked as Sami refused to deliver the rest of her thoughts. Sami squinted and marched over to him.

"Damn you for this distance you've created between us", she said and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. She hung herself on his neck and scorched his lips with all the fire seething in her. His walls held out her attack but she caused his defences to crack. Sami felt him respond to her kiss briefly before forcing her hands off from his neck and pushing her gently away.

"We can't", he said with a deep sadness shining through his eyes.

"Why not?"

"Why do you care?" He instantly hit back with the same question he had been asking her all night.

"Look Samantha", EJ backed away from her and ran his fingers through his hair, "it's best if you go back to the penthouse and stay there. I'll drop by to see the twins and we can talk then, if we must. But please don't come here any more. I have my own plans and I don't need you here to ruin them. I promise it'll be worth it. Just go home to your family and wait."

"When have you known me to do what is for the best?" Sami asked with a knowing smirk on her face. EJ gave a little laugh of surrender:

"Never."


	16. Chapter 16: The Road To A Broken Heart

**Chapter 16: The Road To A Broken Heart**

Joy smiled. She reached her arms up and smiled waiting for her mother to pick her up. Johnny was obviously waiting for a pair of stronger arms to pick him up. Sami involuntarily glanced at the door waiting to see the familiar, tall and slender figure there. The doorframe remained empty although EJ had sworn to be there that night. And EJ kept his word when it came to the twins.

"Can I come in?" The words spoken were right but the voice asking was a wrong one.

"What are you doing here Kate?" Sami asked sounding weary.

"I'm here to see my grandchildren. May I?" Kate asked standing where Sami had expected to see another.

"Of course. Come in. Joy and Johnny are getting used to visitors", Sami said and took a sidestep to allow Kate see her grandchildren.

"And their father?" Kate asked with an oddly pleasant tone as she smiled to the twins.

"What about their father? If you are talking about your son, he hasn't made any attempts to see his progeny after the day our divorce was finalized", Sami revealed leering at Kate.

"After what happened with Will, the way you held him from his real father for years, I really thought that Lucas wouldn't give up that easily", Kate said sending a little jibe at Sami.

"He didn't like the idea of being thrown out of court for trying to take two small infants from their mother, who just happens to be newly wedded wife of a very influential man", Sami deplored.

"I almost expected to hear the words _happily married _from your lips", Kate snipped back.

"I didn't want to rub it in your face Kate darling", Sami replied.

"How sweet of you", Kate smirked her fake smile but became serious then.

"Is it too much to ask", Kate hesitated, "for the sake of these innocent children-"

"A cease-fire it is", Sami replied reaching out her hand. Kate sniffed and gave a quick glare before snorting and taking Sami's hand. They shook each others hands and wore uncomfortable expressions for a while.

"I've better go before I undo this miracle but I will be back to see the twins again", Kate said and showed her first honest smile, "I'll bring gifts for them."

"I'm sure Joy and John will cherish what ever you give them."

Sami sighed as she watched Kate leave. Live never ceased to amaze her. She turned her eyes to her children and gave in to her daughters demands. Sami picked Joy up and held her tight while breathing in her scent. For a moment Sami thought it was just a dream, but then she realized that the arm reaching over her shoulder to brush the baby's cheek, was real.

"You came", she said cussing silently to herself for sounding like a giddy schoolgirl. Luckily EJ hadn't noticed. He explored Joy's happy expression but was quickly distracted as another demanded his attention. Johnny had noticed that the man he adored was present and demanded to be held. Sami knew from experience that when Johnny was acting like this no one but EJ could calm him. As far as Johnny was concerned, EJ was his father, not Lucas.

"Has Lucas been here to see them?" EJ asked as he rocked Johnny in his arms and effortlessly calmed the baby. Sami shook her head.

"No he hasn't."

"What he is doing is wrong", EJ said quietly, "I know that Lucas didn't want you to marry me even to save lives but taking his anger out on these innocent babies isn't right. I know I said that I would raise them as DiMera's, but Joy and Johnny have the right to know Lucas. I know too much of the pain of abandonment to wish them to experience it." Sami watched as EJ kissed Johnny's head and laid the sleeping baby back to the crib.

"You know why Lucas hasn't come to see the babies", Sami whispered.

"I know", EJ nodded, "because of me. But my heart breaks just at the thought of having to leave them behind. I don't understand how Lucas could do it." EJ took Joy from Sami's arms and lulled her to sleep just as easily as he had done with Johnny. Sami felt her eyes sting as the salty water fought for a way out. To EJ it didn't matter that Joy and Johnny weren't his biologically. He had loved both of them from the moment he had seen them, and every time Sami saw EJ with her twins, she could see the love growing. She hadn't realize before how unconditionally EJ loved these children. Now, when EJ used every opportunity to touch and press small loving kisses on their heads, his love for the twins was clear as day to Sami. And every single sign of affection was a reminder of what she was denied.

"I've better get back to the house. I still have a lot to do there", EJ said as he leaned to the crib looking at the twins. Slowly Sami placed her hand over his and felt the familiar jolt going through her body. She looked up to his profile and said:

"Stay." EJ shook his head but didn't pull his hand away.

"No. I wont."

"Stay, just a little while longer", Sami asked again.

"I can't." He turned to look past her before nodding slightly and taking a step back. Sami refused to let go of his hand.

"Samantha, you know why I can't stay. You know why there can't be anything between us ever again. It's wonderful that you have a big heart and that you care but-" he shook his head once more, "It just isn't enough. Good night Samantha." He brought her fingers near to his lips and kissed the air above her knuckles. Sami saw him slip away once again but though the man was gone, his presence lingered. The sound of two sleeping babies breathing and the gentle flutter in Sami's heart reminded of his visit. When Sami walked to the door she felt like she was gliding, and she hadn't felt like that since the night under the stars, when EJ had held her in his arms and danced with her. If she closed her eyes and stood still, Sami could almost feel his arms guiding her again in rhythm with the soundless music. She knew she needed to feel that for real again. Sami smiled as a plan formed itself in her head. She knew what she wanted and she knew how to get it.


	17. Chapter 17: An Incident

**Chapter 17: An Incident**

_This would work. It had to work_. Sami glared at the brush and the can of varnish EJ was handing her. _What the hell had she gotten herself into? _

Few weeks earlier Sami had rummaged through her closets looking for suitable clothing for two purposes. First of all she needed to be dressed to kill or rather to seduce. Sami had always been a sexual person and this abstinence was making her act crazy. She knew fully well that she was about to seduce a man who had once forced himself on her, but Sami knew they could get past that little detail. What had happened between them all that time ago, was the past. And a lot had changed during those months when Sami had once again managed to lie to herself and to live in a place called Denial. Now she was ready to face the truth, or at least some of the truths. And one of those truths was that she cared about EJ Wells-DiMera. She knew that she shouldn't, but she did, and she also lusted after him. It was time for her to placate her desires.

Secondly she needed to wear something practical enough, so EJ wouldn't throw her out right away. Sami had decided that the only way to ensure her influence to their future home was to help EJ to renovate the house. Finally after careful consideration Sami had chosen her old jeans which were just a little too tight but showed off her bum just perfectly. With the jeans Sami had decided to wear an old top, and naturally she had spent insanely long time making sure her hair was perfect before making the tea and driving to the house.

Of course her plan to surprise EJ before he woke up had failed but it hadn't backfired. EJ had been awake but startled all the same.

"Good morning", Sami had said without even trying to hide her wide grin as she had come across with the very naked EJ brushing his teeth in the hall. The look on his face had been priceless to say the least.

"What are you doing here?" EJ had asked once he had found a mug and rinsed his mouth.

"I thought you might need some help here, with everything", Sami had explained trying not to roll her eyes nor to fix her gaze either, "Besides, I got tired of waiting. I want to move in as soon as possible."

"I told you that this house will never be your home", EJ had replied and stood in front of her as if he was wearing a full body armour instead of nothing.

"Even if that's true, the sooner you finish with this place, the sooner we can find another house to be our home", Sami had countered, "Here I brought you some tea." She had walked to him and handed the vacuum bottle to him. EJ had squinted his eyes, tilted his head and asked:

"What are you up to Samantha Brady?"

"Wouldn't you like to know EJ DiMera", she had replied with a tone that had transformed the former curse word into a pet name.

"Yes I would", EJ had stared at her for a while longer before saying, "Thank you for the tea. I'm going upstairs to get dressed. We'll talk once I come back down."

"Should I come with you?" Sami had called out after him and she had been rewarded with a short and incomprehensible mutter.

Unfortunately that had been a one off event though Sami had made her best to repeat it. She had appeared to the house and to him at unholy hours, but EJ was always waiting for her after that first time. He claimed that he wasn't expecting or hoping to see her every day, but a soft light shining in his eyes gave her hope. And that silent promise had been enough to make Sami fight for her right to help. She had demanded EJ to teach her and she had enjoyed every moment of the torment she was inflicting on him. After days of bugging and imploring EJ, Sami had convinced him to show Sami how to use the tools. He had assigned her the easiest tasks and slowly he had given her more and more responsibility. Somewhere in the midst of it all they had learnt to laugh together again and Sami had forgotten her plan to seduce EJ for a while. Then he would forget himself and his reservation with her. EJ would take her by the hand and show her what she needed to do. Sami would lean just a little too close to him and inhale his scent until he would pull away. They would keep working in a silence until something else would make them laugh and forget all the awkwardness.

This however wasn't one of those moments when Sami felt like laughing.

"You want me to do what?" She asked for the tenth time.

"Take this brush and varnish those panels", EJ replied remaining patient. Finally he laid the can on the nearby table and placed the brush in Sami's hand. He guided her hand and doused the brush in the can and showed her what to do. After few times he let go of her hand but remained as a moral support standing right behind her with his hands on her waist. Sami had trouble controlling her breathing.

"Where are you going?" she asked when he let go of her and walked away.

"I'm going to go and get another brush. Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute", EJ smiled and kept his word. He was barely gone from her sight before he returned. Sami repeated the phases EJ had shown her but somehow she didn't get that much done compared to EJ. And the finish wasn't anything Sami hoped to see. But she kept on spreading the varnish. Then she accidentally started to varnish EJ too. They both were reaching for the can he had been quicker and more precise whereas Sami had brushed his bare arm.

"I'm so sorry", Sami said.

"Don't worry about it. It'll wash off", EJ soothed her.

"Are you sure?" Sami asked with a shrewd tone which EJ didn't register.

"Yes."

"Then you don't mind me doing this", she said and attacked him with her newly drenched brush and soon his shirt was soaked with varnish.

"What did you do that for?" EJ asked doing his best to stay calm as the blond stood there turning up her nose at him.

"Your shirt looked like it needed that coat of varnish", Sami defended herself while reaching for the open can.

"Oh no you don't", EJ caught on to her plan and rushed to reach for the can but he tripped over Sami's foot and went flying to the floor pulling Sami with him and the open can of varnish on them. They were laughing when the can still rolled to the other side of the room. His main concern was to make sure Sami hadn't hurt herself and she feared she was crushing his still gaunt body. But she wasn't in a hurry to get up, especially when EJ took her face in between his hands and inspected her perfect skin. She found herself becoming quiet and concentrating on his lips. When those lips finally drew closer, Sami sighed and met them willingly in a lingering but scalding hot kiss. Her sticky fingers found their way through his thick hair and under the ruined shirt. His hands were one minute burning their marks on her bum and gently wandering up her back on the other. EJ slid his fingers under her top and followed the excavation of her back. Sami felt her thighs melting against the heat of his body as their tongues continued the passionate dance. Breathing became trivial. Tasting and feeling was everything, until it wasn't enough.

"We have to stop", EJ said breathlessly leaning his brow to hers.

"No", Sami protested and tried to kiss him again. She reached his lips but he pulled away and brushed her hair away from her eyes. His gaze met hers.

"Samantha please, this is important. We must stop. Now."

"I don't want to", Sami said and laid her head against his shoulder. She could feel his heart beating fast.

"I know", EJ said stroking her back, "I don't particularly like the idea myself but we must."

"Why?"

"You know all the reasons why."

"Tell me any way", she asked trying not to purr. EJ searched her eyes wanting to make sure she really wanted him to taint this moment of theirs.

"Because of who we are and because of what has happened between us. Because of our families and because it would be wrong. Giving in to this, hunger, would only make things complicated."

"Complicated is more interesting", Sami remarked.

"But sometimes simplicity is what we need", EJ replied. Reluctantly Sami pushed herself up and sat on his thighs. She asked:

"When has anything between us ever been simple?" EJ was now leaning on his elbows.

"Never and that's why we need it."

"Do you want to explain that to me?"

"No, I don't", he shook his head and Sami saw that the sadness had returned in his eyes. She pulled him into another kiss. This touch was more restrained but as hot if not hotter than every touch leading up to that one. When their lips parted again EJ was biting his and avoiding her eyes.

"The house is almost finished. All I need is a week, and then we can sell it or move in, what ever you choose."

"Really?" EJ almost flinched as he saw how happy she was about the thought of moving in.

"Really", he said, "But I can't do it if you are here. Do you realise how distracting your presence is?" Sami shook her head and her smile grew even wider if that was possible.

"No, tell me."

"Maybe another time", EJ smirked back.

"That better be a promise", Sami said poking her finger in his chest.

"It is", EJ tried to laugh but couldn't. Sami met his glimmering stare and asked.

"You still need time to be alone, don't you?" EJ nodded.

"Why? Everything has changed."

"Things aren't that different", EJ said, "We are still in the middle of two hostile families and though the feud may have officially ended on our wedding day, the tension still exists. We are treading on a minefield. If you really want to make this marriage work, we have to deal with the unpleasant things too."

"I know", Sami placed her lips on his again and repeated, "I know."

"Is it a deal then?" EJ asked, "You give me this week and after that we'll talk?" Sami shook her head.

"No, I need more."

"More of what?"

"I need a pledge, an extra guarantee if I'm going to have to stay away. I need a kiss", she said and wore a small smile on her lips. EJ responded with a similar smirk and gently raised his hand. He pulled her closer and gave her what she wanted. That long and peaceful kiss tasted like tears of goodbye.


	18. Chapter 18: Bonding Again

**Chapter 18: Bonding Again**

"You are in an awfully good mood today", Belle noticed as she was making some tea for herself and her sister. Sami couldn't stop grinning. In her mind Sami returned to the time when she had felt his lips on hers and her departure had been delayed for another five minutes. EJ had escorted her to her car and stood there on the yard watching her drive away.

"I am", Sami replied turning to look at her sister", And so are you. What's happened?"

"I'm not that happy", Belle demurred, "This smile, it's just for show."

"If you say so", Sami said and took the cup Belle was offering her. They sat there in front of the kitchen table in perfect silence for a while. Neither of them felt the need to speak up and fill the uncomfortable silence with idle noise of their words because the silence wasn't oppressive. Then they both sighed at the same time and they burst out laughing.

"Now I know you were lying", Sami sniggered, "What happened between you and Philip?"

"I told him that I needed more time for myself and that I need to find out who I, Isabella Black, really am", Belle explained and blew in her cup waiting for the tea to cool.

"And what did he say?" Sami asked but added as she saw Belle blush, "Or should I ask what did he do?"

"He took my hand, kissed my cheek and said to take all the time I need. He said that can wait as long as he knows he still has hope."

"Is that all?"

"No, I", Belle stuttered little, "I pulled him back before he could leave and I kissed him. I mean, I _really_ kissed him."

"That's my girl", Sami laughed gaily, "And?"

"And nothing", Belle looked surprised to hear Sami demanding for more details, "I was out of breath for an hour after that but nothing else."

"But you still blush just thinking about it", Sami teased her calming down then, "Did you tell the same to Shawn?"

"I did", Belle replied looking little uncomfortable, "He threw a fit accusing me of lying and cheating and choosing Philip over him. It wasn't easy to watch or listen to."

"I'm sorry to hear that", Sami reached over the table and brushed her sisters hand, "But on bright side, it looks like you've got your answer. Or were you serious about finding out who you really are before committing yourself to anyone again?"

"You are right, I have my answer and discovering myself is tempting but", Belle flashed one of her rarest, most wicked smiles, "but I just don't know how long I can keep myself away from him."

"I can watch Claire tonight if need to pop out for a bit", Sami offered laughing.

"Stop it!" Belle rebuked Sami while laughing herself.

"Sami, stop it! You should be helping me to be sensible rather than encouraging me to act impulsively."

"Belle? Don't you know me at all?" the older blond winked with a fake indignation.

"I do know you", Belle replied and pierced her sister with her gaze, "And I know that when I was thinking of Philip, you were thinking of EJ."

"You caught me", Sami shrugged wondering how much she could say to Belle. She was pondering would her sister understand when Belle said:

"He's the bad boy you know you should stay away, but you can't. How could you not be thinking about him?"

"That he is, a bad boy. But he is a bad boy with a good heart", Sami said stirring her cooling tea with a spoon.

"A good heart?" Belle asked.

"Have you seen him with the twins? Have seen him with Stefano?" Sami countered Belle's doubts, "When EJ loves, he loves completely and unconditionally, to a fault."

"Mum would say that what he feels isn't love at all."

"His adoration for his father may be misplaced and some of his precepts may be misguided, but his feelings are real", Sami's assurance was sincere, "And I do know how family and circumstances can distort your view of the world."

"Sami", Belle tried to relate in vain. Their lives just had been too different.

"You were lucky Belle, even though I tried to sell you", Sami stated raising her eyebrows and nodding.

"I feel so loved", Belle sneered.

"You really should."

"Maybe", Belle admitted, "But we were talking about you. What exactly made you fantasize?"

"You need to ask? Are you blind woman?" Sami's voice reached a new octave.

"No, I'm not blind, I'm just in love and spoiled for all other men", Belle explained. Sami snorted:

"At least you can go to your lover when ever you choose. I promised to stay away for a week. These two days have been sheer torture."

"You promised? When has that ever stopped you?" Sami opened her mouth to snarl an answer to Belle's question but nothing came out.

"You are right. I'm going over there, tomorrow", she finally said. Belle saw her sister starting to glow. She had to say:

"The most interesting part in this is, that you felt like honouring that promise you made him."

"I don't understand what you are getting at", Sami looked perplexed.

"It's obvious that you trust in him. You've told me before that you feel physically if not emotionally safe with him and you've actually made an effort to make me see things from his point of view. And we are talking about a man who you said raped you."

"He wasn't cruel, never. I just did what I felt I had to do to safe Lucas."

"Sami, you are still avoiding this sore subject and at the same time you are planning to seduce the man. You married him to end a feud for goodness sake", Belle cried out, "I'm just saying that this is something you need to talk about and sort out before you decide what to do with the rest of your years together."

"I know, I know. Just not tomorrow", Sami spoke with a tone begging for understanding, "I promised him a week before we talk, but I need to see him."

On the next day Sami kissed her twins goodbye and thanked Belle again before leaving for the house. She had her Thermos with her as well as a boxful of goodies for EJ. The sun was shining though the weather forecast promised showers later in the day. Sami chose something upbeat for background noise during her drive. For some reason she couldn't stop smiling and as she pulled the car in front of the house, she felt like coming home. She got out form the car and walked slowly to the house. Sami wanted to enjoy every moment. She might have to stay away for few more days and now that she knew she was winning EJ over, those few days apart would be most difficult for her to bear. With a smile on her face and love in her heart Sami walked through the front door and stopped. The renovation of the house was finished. Maybe she didn't need to wait any longer. Maybe this was EJs surprise to her. Wanting to surprise him, Sami snuck around the house looking for him. She found packed bags waiting in the parlour but EJ was nowhere to be found. Sami made her way upstairs and found EJ in his bedroom writing a letter. _Why was he writing a letter?_

"EJ?" _And why did he look so startled?_

"Samantha, I didn't think you were coming today", EJ said folding the paper he was holding neatly.

"Obviously. What has happened? Where is you bed and", she fixed her eyes on the paper, "Is that a letter, for me?"

"Yes", he said avoiding to look at her.

"What's going on in here? Are you running away?"


	19. Chapter 19: The Bargain

**Chapter 19: The Bargain**

"Yes", he said.

"Yes what?" Sami asked feeling like someone had punched her.

"Yes, I'm leaving. Or as you described it, I'm running away", EJ twirled the letter in his fingers, "This explains it all." He reached out to hand the letter to her but she swept it away from his grasp to the floor. There was new kind of passion in her voice as she spoke:

"I don't want to read the letter. I want you to stay."

"That's impossible. I need to leave." He looked grave but strong.

"No, you need to stay."

"Samantha."

"Why are you running away? Is it because of what almost happened here? Are you now afraid of intimacy or are you just trying to punish me? What is it? Why are you insisting on abandoning me and the twins. Have you even thought about Joy and Johnny? Have you considered how this is going to affect them?" Sami kept on talking wishing that her voice was enough to bury the dark thoughts rising in her mind.

"I have thought about them and I have said my goodbyes to them. Once I'm gone", EJ gulped, "I'm sure Lucas will fulfil his fatherly duties to them. You and he can have the family you've always wanted."

"What about your father? What about Stefano? He will carry on with the vendetta if you leave, we must stay married until he's dead at least", Sami asked and saw EJ shake his head.

"I've taken care of it. You don't need to be afraid of my family ever again. You, and all the Brady's are safe from now on", EJ assured her.

"You can't guarantee that", Sami screamed.

"I can and I have. I made a deal with my father, he wont let anything happen to you", he explained.

"Stefano is not to be trusted!"

"It turns out, that my father appreciates my health and freedom more than carrying on with this stupid feud. You can trust in that."

"What did you do? EJ what did you do?" Sami cried. Her whole body shook as she realized that EJ had traded this marriage of theirs for her freedom and safety at the cost of another sacrifice, his life.

"It doesn't matter what I did. The important thing is that you Samantha and the twins are safe."

"No EJ, no", Sami kept saying, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago. I'm setting you free."

"No, that's not it. This isn't about setting about me free", Sami denied, "What about us?"

"There's no us and this is about setting you free. I'm giving you what you have wanted all along", EJ argued, "In my ignorance and insolence I thought I could make you love me but I was wrong. I know it now."

"Do you really think I want this?" Sami was in shock, "Do you really think I want to divorce you and go back to Lucas?"

"I know you do. You never intended to give our marriage a chance. Even in your wedding vows to me, you spoke of him and how Lucas will always hold your heart and soul. You were only binding yourself to me to protect him."

"You are wrong EJ", Sami said calmly, "Whether you believe it or not, I wrote those lines while thinking of you." That was enough to shut him up for a minute or two. He shook his head again:

"No", he denied softly, "You are the master of self-deception. You were speaking of Lucas."

"I may have a long and successful history of lying to myself but I'm not lying now."

"Either way, it doesn't really matter. We don't have a future together."

"How can you say that?" Sami whispered.

"Because our past is tainted", EJ replied.

"Are you talking about-"

"About the rape? Yes, I'm talking about that", EJ gave a hollow laugh, "I didn't consider it as a rape at first but you've successfully corrected my misconception."

"What did you think it was?" Sami felt a fear growing within her.

"A bargain."

"A bargain? How could ever think it was a bargain?"

"That night, I didn't know what I was thinking nor did I know what I was doing", EJ looked at her with his dark eyes knowing that he this was his only chance to make her understand.

"My father sent me here with a mission. I was to impregnate one of the Brady women, to impregnate you. This was to be the perfect way to avenge all the wrongdoings, which the hateful Brady's had done to my family and to carry on with the feud. I was supposed to get close to you, to befriend you and to use you before discarding you. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with a Brady." Sami bit her lip until it bled. She whispered:

"You knew. You knew all along that I was a Brady, an enemy of your family."

"I knew", EJ admitted, "but you didn't know. I knew and I tried to resist, I tried to fight my feelings for you but I couldn't ignore the connection we shared. Then you left Austin at the altar. You finally decided that you deserved more, to be loved unconditionally and to be accepted for who you really are. And you kissed me. For a short, sweet moment I actually thought I could get it all. Like a fool I believed that I could fulfil my fathers wishes and that I could get the girl, you. I thought that maybe you would understand and that maybe you wouldn't dismiss me simply because of my name. For a moment I thought you would see past the DiMera name and accept me for who I am and love the way I love you. I was naive, I know that now. Instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, you cast me aside, you toyed with my affections, you ran to another man and flaunted him in front of me and you wanted me to pay. You wanted me to pay for all the crimes you thought I had committed and all the crimes my family was accused off and you wanted see me behind bars. But even that wasn't enough. I finally got to see the real dark side of the Salem pariah. You helped the police and you sent me into a trap where John Black was waiting. You sent me to meet a man who was there to chasten me. I was alone up against a man I was taught to admire and imitate. To your family he's been a hero but to my family, he was the greatest pawn, a ruthless mercenary who could kill a man with his bare hands and not get caught. John Black was man I was taught to fear. Do you really think I wanted to kill him? I had the chance to kill him, but I didn't. I just wanted to get away. I had failed miserably and I just wanted to run, but I couldn't do even that right."

Sami flinched as he laughed that dead laugh of his again.

"My great escape was interrupted, by none other than the same bitch who had rejected me and set me up, the same slag who proved my fathers warnings about the Brady's to be true. There you were begging me to save your pitiful lovers life. In my mind I thought that you owed me and that maybe I could still fulfil my original mission. I suggested a bargain and you accepted it. You got me through the roadblock and you kept your word. You didn't get out of the car and walk back to the roadblock, you actually respected the deal we made. And I forced myself on you." As EJs voice faded away, Sami felt tears rushing to her eyes. She couldn't breath, she couldn't see and she couldn't stay.

"No, no, no, no", she muttered and turned to run down the stairs. She hadn't done all that. She couldn't have been that cruel and heartless. She had just been afraid.


	20. Chapter 20: The Rape

**Chapter 20: The Rape**

Sami ran. She ran downs the stairs and through the hall. She ran out of the door and to the terrace and she stopped. Tears were blinding her but there was more than that keeping from leaving. Sami tasted the blood from the bite mark she had made on her lip and it gave her an anchor to hold on to as her mind sailed through the storming images in her head. Every word EJ had said was true. Sami had mistreated him horribly. Worse than that, she had given in to prejudice and fear. Sami had forgotten what a good friend he had been to her and all the times he had pulled back while she still had been engaged to Austin. She had ignored all the signs telling how sincere he was about his feelings for her, and she had wanted revenge for the simple act of not telling her his name. Because he hadn't wanted to share the name that would scare her away, she had banished him from her side and made him go through hell, to pay for his fathers sins.

He had forced himself on her. He had raped her. No, EJ was right, it had been a bargain. Sami had chosen her fate but it had hurt her. He had reopened an old wound she had thought would be only a memory. She realized that he was standing next to her.

"EJ."

"Yes?"

"I need to tell you something." Sami dried her eyes and sat down on the front steps. She waited and the beckoned for him to sit next to her. They remained quiet, listening to the sounds of the nature. The wind was dancing leaves and the rustle soughed in their ears. He waited for her to speak, to pass judgement on him. She knew he was waiting for something she couldn't give him. She had her own burden and a story to be shared. She didn't want to talk about it but she also knew, as he had known before her, that this was her only chance to make him understand.

"There was this girl, a fourteen year old, innocent girl. Her grandparents had raised her and her brother as their own. She grew up doubting her own parents love for her but she was determined to make them love her. She left her grandparents and her brother behind and moved to live with her parents who were practically strangers to her. She had spirit and she had will. But living up to an example set by the perfect older sister proved to be impossible and being waved aside as her new baby sister was adored, hurt her. So she rebelled. She defied her parent's and she defied those only trying to protect her. She was drawn to this older man, who only saw her older sister, until that changed." The bitter sneer escaping from her lips caught EJ off guard. He threw a sharp glance at the woman sitting beside him and felt his heart miss a beat. Samantha, his Samantha was talking about herself.

"He didn't want her and he probably laughed at her childish schoolgirl daydreams. But he wanted her sister and she was a way to her sister. Then the sister rejected him and he decided to take out his obsession and wrath on her, on the innocent little sister of the woman he wanted. She was helpless as he threw her on the couch and mounted her. She tried to fight and she screamed no, but it all was in vain. He raped her. He raped her and afterwards, he convinced that it was all her fault. He manipulated her into believing that no one cared, that no one would believe and that no one would take her side." As her flat voice carried those words to him, he froze. Every single muscle in his body tensed up and his veins filled with adrenalin. Had someone made the mistake of walking to them, calling to them or touching them, that someone would have lost his or her life in an instant. EJ was hungry for blood and at the same time his heart was shredding and bleeding, filling his soul with cold poison.

"She hid it. For a while she pretended to carry on as if nothing had happened. But she became wary and troubled. Then a young man, another admirer of her sisters, noticed it all and forced the truth out of her. She didn't want people to know but they did find out. Her family wanted to get help for her but she refused. She resisted wanting to deal with the pain herself and they let her. But what did she know? She knew nothing and the overwhelming pain haunted her, distorting everything she experienced after that moment." And just like that, EJs murder-fantasizes had new targets. His fists were white and he could no longer feel those extremities. His breathing was heavy and every fibre of his body shook. It took that much longer for him to hear her voice again.

"Somehow they found one more way to hurt her, to humiliate her. The older sister, who had been saved from her attackers obsession, turned against her own blood and destroyed her day in court, her only chance to have retribution, to have justice. Her own sister chose to believe him over her." _How did you ever forgive her? How did you ever stand her in your presence again?_ EJ wanted to shout and shake her. He wanted to demand the answers he knew she would not give to him, not now.

"Luckily she hadn't lost her spirit. Luckily she knew that no one would defend her and that she would have to fend for herself. So when the day came that he brought a gun and threatened her again, she took gun and shot it emasculating him." EJ quivered as he heard her jolly voice and saw the serene smile on her lips. He thanked every higher power he think of for the fact, that she hadn't gotten to the gun that night. And slowly a smile emerged on his lips too. This was the women he loved, the woman he had wronged. This was the strong vixen he adored and she was the only woman who would ever hold his soul in her hands. He crossed his legs and forced himself to listen again.

"He tried of course but this time her friends were with her. This time she saw justice as he would never sire children and she would never pay for what she had done by going in jail. There were other ways for her to pay, of course. The first time time she gave herself to a man willingly, was only to seek solace and to make her feel wanted. She wanted someone to want her, even if it wasn't the man she dreamed of, the man she was convinced she loved. Sex became a tool to her, a way to control men, not a way to express love and devotion." Sami closed her eyes and tasted blood in her mouth again.

"You never were cruel. You didn't hit me nor did you force yourself on me. Your touch was as gentle and loving as I've ever experienced. You wanted nothing but my pleasure and I ignored it. I pushed it all aside and in my mind, I went back in time to that place I though I had forgotten. I was on that couch again. I was helpless and I listened his words saying how no one would believe me. Those were two different incidents but I lived them as one on that day and in that car", she hung her head, "It was a bargain, It was my choice. It wasn't a rape."


	21. Chapter 21: His Move

**Chapter 21: His Move**

_I held my breath and waited. He was still sitting beside me looking into the distance with his jaw clenched. I don't think I've ever seen him like this nor do I think I've ever been as afraid of what he might do as I am now. I wanted to call out his name. I wanted him to call out my name. I wanted him to show what he was feeling and I wanted him to tell me that he understood. I wanted him to hold me, to pull me next to him and hold me tightly in his arms. I wanted him to touch my face and wipe away the tears I feared shedding. I wanted to lay my head against his chest and feel his strong heartbeat giving me the courage I lacked. I wanted him to kiss my head again and tell me that everything would be all right. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me and that nothing could make him stop loving me. _

_Out of nowhere a handkerchief materialized. The cloth smelled like him and with that single sweet gesture he broke down the walls holding back my tears. I started bawling and felt his arms around me. He held me as I cried and he told me that he wasn't going anywhere. He said he would stay and help me forget. He kissed the top of my head and said that he would help me create new memories. I felt the warm sun on my skin as I raised my face and looked deep into his eyes and asked:_

"_When should we start?"_

"_How about right now", he said and lowered those smooth lips of his on mine. I tasted him and felt the hunger for his touch grow. I climbed on his lap and took his face in my hands. I covered his face with little kisses before offering everything to him. He licked the few remaining salt stains from my face and drew little circles on my temples with his thumbs as the rest of his fingers concentrated releasing the tension building around my scalp. I didn't realize I had moaned until I heard my own voice. His hands were warm against my own cool skin. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to touch every part of me and never to stop. _

_I grabbed the lapels of my jacket intending to take it of but he stopped me. He leaned back just enough to make a point and to look into my eyes. He shook his head and pulled me against his torso. _

"_This isn't what you need", he whispered in my ear._

"_But I want you", I whispered back. I could feel him shaking his head._

"_Sometimes what you want and what you need are two different things", he just said and hugged me tightly as my body started shaking again. _

_When exhaustion took over my body I relaxed in his arms. He stood up still holding me and he carried me inside. He set me down to sit on the floor next to the fireplace and conjured a blanket over my shoulders. He brought me some tea and sat behind me wrapping his arms around me. Warm sunlight found it's way in through the windows and surrounded us in yellow, sparkling haze. _

"_I'm so sorry", he said, "I wish I could have been there to stop it all from happening."_

"_We can't change the past. It's what makes us who we are", I said and remembered suddenly, "And even if you had been there, what could you have done? You were, what, ten years old at the time?" He gave little a laugh._

"_Precocious eleven year old", he stopped and added, "I would have found a way."_

"_I'm sure you would have", I said and leaned back to rest against his chest. _

"_You need to promise me something. You need to promise me that this is the last time you try to leave me. I need you here, beside me. I need you and our children need you. I need to hear you say that you'll stay for good." I spoke softly but I don't think he ever doubted the seriousness of my words. For minute or two thought about what he was going to say, choosing what to do. Then he said:_

"_I'll stay, until you ask me to leave." _

"_No, no conditions, no loopholes. Say that you'll stay, with me, forever."_

"_Samantha", he whispered my name and I could hear it all in his voice. He was angry for what I had had to experience and he was happy that I was still there in his arms. He was sad and blamed himself for ever hurting me. And he was humbled by the fact that I still loved him. I waited him to make his move. I waited until he spoke those words I needed to hear._

"_I'll stay."_


	22. Chapter 22: Her Move

**Chapter 22: Her Move**

_The pain seized me. Why hadn't I known? I knew all these little irrelevant things about her, like how she drank her beer and her favourite cookies but I hadn't known this. Why? Why hadn't I known? The wind picked up and the chill it gusted made my bones ache. Every muscle in my body had tensed up and if I wouldn't find a way to relax them, I would break. I started shaking with anger. These uncontrollable trembles moved my body and when I saw her reaching her hand out to me I jumped. I jumped up and ran few steps out to the yard. I couldn't stop swaying and I desperately wanted to hold her but I couldn't. I would only end up hurting her if I'd allow myself to touch her. She had been hurt enough by ruthless men like me. _

"_EJ." She called out my name and followed me with hesitating steps. She was looking up to my eyes as if I was the big bad wolf that had eaten Little red riding hood. I felt like a wolf. _

"_Samantha. Please don't", I said just in time to stop her from touching me again. _

"_EJ, please, say something." To my utter shame my eyes were dry. I couldn't even shed one tear to show her how much I cared. _

"_Words are, empty. Nothing I say will change what happened to you, nothing I say will change what I did to you. My words wont erase the pain."_

"_No they wont", she admitted the truth I wished I could change. _

_I turned to face the wind and welcomed the icy air it threw at me to warm my soul. _

"_I've never wanted to live up to the DiMera name as much as I want to now. I'm thirsty for blood."_

"_That's not the solution. I had my revenge and it solved nothing." She had snuck up on me somehow and her hand was on my shoulder._

"_You had your revenge on him, not on me. I'd be happy to shed my blood to give a peace of mind."_

"_I don't want any more deaths on my conscience."_

"_I haven't earned such an easy escape", I sneered._

"_No you haven't. You have obligations, responsibility to me and to our children", she whispered jabbing the blade deep in my heart._

"_I'm not nor do I deserve to be their father. Joy and Johnny shall have a better life without me in it", I said defiantly. She smiled and brought out the sun as she spoke:_

"_Then consider being part of their lives as an atonement. What a sweet torment it will be to watch them grow and try to prevent repeating our mistakes."_

_She walked into my arms and entwined her arms around me. She lent me the strength, which had abandoned me and she held me up when I felt like falling down. _

"_I'm so sorry", I whispered in her ear knowing that it wouldn't ever be enough. _

"_I know you are and I forgive you", she said and broke me. With those words she broke through all my defences and seized my heart. Shredding the fabric of my soul, she inflicted pain on me from which I thought I would never recover. And it still wasn't enough to make amends for what I had done to her._

"_I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself", I confessed as I squeezed her tightly in my arms. _

"_You must", she whispered. I closed my eyes and untangled her arms from around me. I held her at arms length and and shook my head._

"_I can try but I know I wont succeed. Not now, maybe not ever and not when I'm with you. All I want to do is to protect you and love you and keep children safe, and I always end up hurting you. You were right to keep me away and I should have respected you decision. It's not too late for me to do that now. I must leave and stay away for you and for your happiness."_

"_EJ."_

"_You know I'm right Samantha, you need to let me go and you need to find someone else worthy of your love to love and cherish you unconditionally. You need someone who will never let you down and I'm not that person." A lump in my throat silenced me and I found myself biting my lip. I yearned to kiss her but I also knew how wrong it would be. I backed away from her and walked to my car to drive away, away from her. The weight of my heart almost prevented me from breathing but not quite. I hadn't earned my easy escape yet. _

_She came running and slammed the car door shut almost maiming me in the process. She jumped up into my arms and scorched my lips with hers and I was too weak to resist her. I kissed her back as she hung on to me and I tasted tears in her kiss. It took me a while to grasp that those salty drops weren't hers, they were mine. _

"_You didn't really think I was going to let you go that easily, did you?" she asked with that wicked smile on her lips. She kissed away my tears and said:_

"_It's cold out here, we need to go in and set a fire. Come, you have the rest of our lives to pay for what you did." She had made her move quicker than I had expected. I found myself grinning. I loved this woman._


	23. Chapter 23: The Rain

**Chapter 23: The Rain**

A single rain drop hit the step they were sitting on and it was enough to awoke them from their dreams. Refusing to give in to temptation and look at each other they sat looking straight ahead and into the distance as the cold autumn rain started pelting down on them. Sami needed some kind of reassurance but he wasn't offering any and then she realized just how much her story had affected him. She knew she had to be the one to make the first move as he was probably thinking of all the times she had pushed him away and evaded his touch. Painfully slowly she reached to the man beside her and saw him jump up.

EJ was on his feet with only two possible escape routes. He could either walk back into the house and warmth, where Samantha would surely follow and corner him. Or he could walk to the yard and get soaked. Then EJ realized he was all ready drenched. He chose the rain and walked to the yard hoping for some greater power to intervene and send a lightning bolt to strike him down. His back was to the house and though he wanted to take a one last look at her, EJ couldn't make himself turn. Suddenly he felt an icy touch on his back and he realized Samantha had followed him. The rain hid his tears but he feared to see her. He spoke just loud enough for her to hear his words:

"You should go in before you get sick. The children need you."

"They need you too", Sami said watching his shirt cling to his back and revealing outlines she hadn't seen before. She had never really had the chance to explore his body and she was just starting to realize all the things she was missing. She gulped and blurted out:

"Please come in, we need to talk." She never expected him to explode on her. He turned on his heels to face her and said with a menacing voice:

"Don't you dare to treat me like you did Lucas. I'm not a child, I don't need placating. I may be battered and beaten, but I don't break that easily." He ran his finger through his hair and wiped most of the rain from his face.

"Samantha, I can't even begin to tell you how deeply ashamed and sorry I am for, for everything. And I know, that nothing I say or do will make things right for you, but that doesn't mean you should try fix things either. This is just one more reason why we should be apart. All I do is hurt you. So please, save yourself and stay away from me. Let me go and try to forget you. I can't stand to see you hurt especially when it's always me hurting you."

"Do you know what I was thinking about a moment ago? Do you know how scared I was to tell you about Alan? How feared to tell anyone about him and what he did to me? I've always been afraid that if people find out what happened, I would suddenly somehow become less in their eyes. Of course you don't know, because you have your own shame to carry and I have mine-" Sami started searching for the right words fearing to choose all the wrong ones.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were the victim", EJ cut in.

"And Austin was my victim. I drugged and raped him!" Sami had to avert her gaze to regain her composure, "I didn't give him a choice just like Alan didn't give me. You gave me a choice and that makes all the difference." The fury in his eyes died and acceptance of all the bad things that had happened between them, took over. EJ cleared his aching throat:

"Stop it Samantha. No more excuses. We are toxic together and I want something better for you."

"I think it's the other way around: Everything is toxic when we're not together. No matter how we try to deny, we have this connection and it will always bind us together. We're only unhappy when we try to ignore it and be apart", Sami bit her lip and quivered as the blood started gushing again, "I sat there, on those steps, waiting for you to speak up or to touch me. All I wanted to be held, by you. No one else but you. In all the other arms I've been held in, I've always felt alone but not with you. I've never felt alone when I've been with you." Sami felt the tears taking over and the sobs starting to control her body:

"And that's why it hurt so much to hear that you were shutting me out of your life. I care about you EJ, you are my family. You and the twins and I don't want to live in a broken family any longer."

Watching her tremble helplessly in front of him was too much for him to bear. He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her and she clung on to him like she was never letting go.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you", Sami said so quietly that he almost didn't hear her, "please say you forgive me for all the horrible things I did. Please forgive me for not looking past your family name and seeing the man who you really are."

"There's nothing to forgive", he replied with a hoarse voice resting his chin on her head.

"EJ, please say it. This is important to me." He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I forgive you", EJ felt her nails digging through his shirt, "But I don't think I can ever forgive myself."

"I forgive you and I'll help you to find a way to forgive yourself", she said. Samantha turned her face up and it was the first time he saw hope and trust in her eyes. She believed in him and that he could do it, that he could forgive himself and move on with her and their family.

"I wish I could believe that", he whispered.

"I have faith for the both of us", she replied and looked deep into his eyes. She blushed but didn't turn her face away.

"Do I need spell it out for you again?" Samantha whispered and his mouth twitched into a lopsided smirk.

"Yes", EJ said and waited for her answer.

"Kiss me you fool." Slowly he lowered his lips on her skin and tasted the raindrops on her face. He was shivering from the cold but his lips were burning hot as they trailed the outlines of her face and to her mouth. Samantha had been holding her breath and to feel him breath into her made her feel more alive. She drank what she needed to live from his lips and closed her eyes letting herself just feel. The rain covered them and sizzled where ever he touched her. Blindly Samantha reached out and ran her fingers through his wet hair down to his neck and under his soaked shirt. She felt him pulling her body even closer to his as they they were starting the ancient dance. Samantha ripped her lips from his only to cover his face with little kisses and taste the salt.

"Are you crying?" She whispered her question trying to see through the haze in her own eyes. He picked her up in his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Stopping to catch her breath Samantha touched his face as he hungrily reached for hers. She cloudily saw the world spin around them and realized that he was carrying her to the house. As they reached the front steps of the house, EJ buried his face against her neck and she felt his lips tickling her.

"I'm just happy", he whispered.


	24. Chapter 24: The Fire

A/N This is another smutty chapter. Adults continue reading, others should skip this chapter.

**Chapter 24: The Fire**

She had never felt this nervous before. Samantha suddenly knew what she had missed and what had been wrested from her all those years ago, when she had lost her innocence only too young. She was standing in the middle of the room soaking wet watching as the man she adored was squatting next to the fireplace trying to set a fire under few logs of wood. He looked perfect to her even with his clothes clinging to his skin and water dripping from his hair and she felt the little knot in her lower abdomen tightening. Samantha wasn't a virgin and she knew what was about to happen but somehow this felt different and right. She was about to make love to the man she loved for the first time in her life and he knew it. Samantha could tell that he knew exactly what was going on in her mind by the way he looked at her and came to her. He moved slowly refusing to rush and give in to the passion burning in their veins. EJ walked to her and stopped a step away from her. He just gazed into her eyes and waited. Had this been any other man and had this been any other night, Samantha would have shrugged and took over the situation. She would have turned into this shameless temptress but tonight she was innocent and she was to be seduced.

When the heat from the fire burning in the fireplace reached them, EJ started fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. One by one he opened them never taking his eyes of hers. He stripped himself from the wet fabric and dropped it on the floor. One by one he kicked off his shoes, took off his socks and opened the belt holding up his jeans. He pushed his jeans down along with his briefs and stripped himself naked in front of her. Samantha felt like blushing and desperately wanted him to touch her. EJ waited as Sami broke down and ravished every inch of his body with her eyes. She was shaking as she took a deep breath and begged:

"Please, EJ-" He there to silence her with his fingertip stopping her lips from parting.

"All you need to do is ask", he said slowly raised his finger from her skin. She felt dazed as the warmth of his touch escaped her once again.

"Touch me", she said coyly and he obeyed. Gently he brushed her wet hair from her face and ran his fingers through it. He took his time to untangle her hair and to rub her scalp. Finally he cupped his hand around her face and brought her thumbs to brush her lips. Then he waited again.

"Kiss me", Samantha whispered gazing his lips hungrily. EJ smiled and leaned closer. At the last minute before kissing her lips he moved to press a little kisses on her eyelids. His mouth moved leaving a trace of kisses everywhere on her face before giving a quick peck on her mouth. He waited and smirked as an exasperated sigh welled from her.

Samantha opened her glowing eyes again and met his asking gaze. She demanded:

"Undress me." EJ nodded and moved his fingers to the lapels of her jacket. Slowly and fastidiously he slid the jacket off from her shoulders and his fingers followed the sleeves as they left her arms bare. EJ folded the jacket and laid it on the floor before returning to her with fever in his eyes. He started easing up the top she was wearing. EJ was careful to not to touch her skin as the sticky fabric left behind her flat stomach and rounded breasts. Samantha held her arms up as he pulled the top over her head and laid it next to the jacket on the floor. She relaxed again and watched as EJ knelt in front of her. He leaned close to her and breathed the warm air from his lungs as his teeth started their work. It took forever for him to strip her from her trousers but every second spent wasn't wasted. The cold haunting them had been cast out and she was quivering with desire. EJ wrapped his fingers around her calf and guided her leg up enough to slip of her shoe and sock followed with the leg of her trousers. He repeated this with her other calf and she had to reach for his shoulders to help herself stay up. EJ stood up gently brushed her left bra-strap over her shoulder. To her satisfaction Samantha heard how shallow his breathing had become. He reached for the other strap and stopped for a moment. She waited with him for a moment and then turned her back on him. He fumbled with the hooks for a while as if he had lost the feeling in his hands. Then he slid the brassiere off. A moment later she felt his hands on her hips and on her panties. Painfully sluggishly he removed the last garment on her.

She was still standing her back turned to him when his warm hand returned on her hips. He just held there. Samantha shut her eyes and laid her hands on his. She guided his hands across her stomach to be wrapped around her body because she knew this would bring him closer to her. As she swayed a little, she found herself leaning against his body and his skin burning hers. She tilted her head and exposed her neck to him. As his breath reached her collar bone she heard him whisper:

"Please open your eyes and look." Samantha followed his suggestion and found herself staring a ghostly mirror image of them in the window which was shutting out the darkness. Keeping her eyes fixed on reflection and her fingers interlocked with his, she guided his hand down over the mound and between her legs. He held her up and against his body as his tongue drew circles on her skin and as his fingers gently teased her clit. Samantha found herself becoming out of breath as his fingers danced around the entrance and finally slipped inside her only to escape out right after. He teased her and he made her wait as the throbbing within her became too much. He held her as convulsion passed and he kissed her shoulder before withdrawing away for a moment.

When he returned, he spun her around and guided her to the bed of blankets he had created for them. He kissed her as they sank down on the bed and laid next to each other. He took her hand and pulled it against his chest waiting for her to explore his body as he followed her curves. They took their time drawing maps on each others bodies and just held each other as the heat rose and the tickling became too much to ignore. Samantha gasped for air when EJ moved lick her folds and tease her again. She saw his his head move between her legs as he sucked and sent jolts through her spine. Samantha screamed out as much for pain as for pleasure. She wanted to feel him inside her, to stretch her and pierce her like no one else ever had. As her second orgasm subsided, EJ started massaging her legs from the toes to the ankles and to the calves and to her thighs. He lightly passed her abdomen and circled around her breasts and hovered over her body until she whimpered him to touch her. Only then did his hands reach for her breasts and ran down her sides. Only then did his lips find hers again and scorch them with a passionate kiss. Only then did he ease himself into her and wrap her legs around her waist. Only then did he start thrusting himself deeper and withdrawing as he drank her moans and groans. They fit together perfectly and he unlocked something within her that night. For the first time in her life, Samantha couldn't tell where her body ended and his begun. They melted into one and as the night passed their souls merged. Letting go wasn't an option and they fell asleep holding each other tightly in their arms.


	25. Chapter 25: The Wakeup Call

**Chapter 25: The Wake-up Call**

She felt warm, relaxed and blissful. Her body should have felt heavy and sluggish but she felt like floating. This was heaven to her. Her fingers found another warm body right by her side and images of the previous night flashed in her mind. They had been able to get all the pain and hurt out and all the venting had given space to honesty and love. Sami smiled and moved her lips to kiss his chest which was moving constantly up and down in time with his breathing.

"Good morning", he whispered with a hoarse voice and a smile playing on his lips.

"It's a very good morning", Sami replied and moved just a little closer to him.

"Is it? Or is this just a dream?"

"This, most definitely, isn't a dream", Sami assured him by pressing small kisses on his skin between each words she said. Then she stopped. She felt a chill and fixed her eyes to his. She didn't know why the tears rushed to the corners of her eyes nor why her jaw was clenched. All Sami knew that she might lose all this, and it scared her. She still needed to tell her family the news about her and EJ, and this peace she had built with EJ the previous night was too fragile to endure any stress.

"Samantha? What's wrong?" EJ asked with concern shining through his eyes. She shook her head and tried to smile.

"Nothing. Everything but nothing right now", she stopped to catch her breath, "Nothing is wrong while I'm in your arms. The world and it's problems can wait."

"Good", he said and leaned a little closer to kiss her. Sami waited for his touch to brush away all her doubts and fears when her phone rang and EJ froze. Their lips were only a breath away from touching as the interruption brought the cold back into the room.

"You should get that", he said gazing her lips intensely.

"No", she resisted and tried to kiss him but she was too slow. He had pulled back.

"Yes you should. Your family must be worried about you and what if it's about the twins? First the phone, then the kiss."

"They can wait. I want my kiss", Sami whispered. She didn't know how to tell EJ that if she would give in and answer the phone, her worst fears might come true and that only his touch could kill those nightmares. She shook her head to rid her mind of those foolish fears and reached for the phone.

"Hello?" Her voice was bubbly. EJ leaned to lie on his back as Samantha sat next to him with her back turned to him and her fingers running up and down his naked inner thigh. She shivered and he couldn't decide why. Something had changed in her eyes as the awareness of what they had done had reached her. Was she sorry or did she worry about her family's reaction, EJ couldn't decide which it was and which would scare him more. Her undeserving family and their acceptance meant so much to Samantha and she was about to risk it all again. She would surely blame EJ if the Brady's would turn their backs on her again and despite of his best efforts, Samantha still didn't think herself worthy of unconditional love and acceptance. She was still afraid to be who she really was.

"Does it have to be now?" he heard her ask. He did his best to hide the flinch he felt at the sound of her voice. Something was about to happen and EJ knew he wouldn't like it what ever it would be.

"Okay, stop fretting about it. I'll be there. Are the twins-" her voice faded away and EJ could tell that the conversation was almost over. Sure enough a moment later he heard her say:

"I promise I'll see you there." He saw her close the phone and tossing it on her clothes before turning to dazzle him with her smile and crawling back to him.

"Now, where were we?" she asked. He smirked and reached for a sore tone as he said:

"I feel so abused."

"It's about time you did", she whispered before her final attack.


	26. Chapter 26: The Intervention

**Chapter 26: The Intervention**

It was getting cold as she walked to the warm, familiar light. The chilly weather couldn't conquer the heat emitting from her heart as the sweet memories made that same morning reached her mind. Sami remembered how difficult it had been for her to leave him and their home even for a short while.

"_Do you have everything?" he had asked for the tenth time and she had clung to him for the twelfth time. _

"_Yes I do. Do you?"_

"_I'm not going anywhere", he had objected and sought out her lips again._

"_Yes you are. I'm expecting to see you at the pub tonight. Hopefully by the time you get there I've managed to placate my family enough for them to listen and accept what we are about to tell them."_

"_I'm afraid you are expecting too much of your family, my love."_

"_Maybe I am", she had admitted, "But you'll be there, wont you?"_

"_I promised. I'll be there."_

"_Good", she had sighed and kissed him. _

Sami snapped back to reality and walked through the Brady Pub doors. Her family and few others too were there waiting for her.

"Mum?" Sami asked and saw Marlena turn to meet her. Her mother smiled and squinted in that way she always does. Marlena opened her arms and waited for Sami to embrace her. Sami obliged and hugged her mother quickly before asking:

"What are Lucas and Kate doing here?"

"They are part of this too", Marlena replied still smiling.

"But I thought-" Sami started but stopped as her eyes reached Lucas who was holding Joy in his arms.

"Sami", Lucas said with a wary tone and a vacant face.

"Lucas", Sami nodded politely. Her expression softened as she turned to look at Joy and then at Johnny.

"What did you say?" she had to ask as she slowly realized Lucas was asking her something.

"I hope you don't mind me hogging the twins. Belle brought them here and said that I should at least try to bond with them before-" Sami found herself shaking her head.

"It's quite all right and Belle was speaking the truth. You should spent some time with the twins, after all they are yours. You don't owe me any explanations why you haven't been around but you will owe them one."

"I thought that EJ wouldn't want me to see the twins", Lucas said.

"He actually expects you to be part of their lives. He said so", Sami said and felt herself blush. She couldn't know that Lucas could see the glow of happiness taking over her body and the love sparkling in her eyes. Sami didn't realize that in that moment she set Lucas free. Lucas finally saw what he had never been able to give Sami and understood why they had failed to make their relationship work all those times. What ever doubts he might have had about their separation, disappeared at that moment. The pain of seeing her happy was all Lucas needed to seal a decision he had made.

"Sami, about that. I might not be-"

"Where's Belle?" She cut in and Lucas sneered. Sami hadn't been listening to him and he suddenly felt irrelevant but it didn't bother him that much.

"Philip called and I think she's still talking to him", Kate answered her question and walked closer to them, "Is there any chance that I could hold my grandson?"

EJ stopped outside to pub window to steal a glance of the pride of lions waiting for him inside. What he saw, was enough to stop his heart from beating. Samantha was inside talking with Kate and Lucas, who were holding the twins. They were surrounded by the Brady's and they all looked happy and peaceful. They actually laughed at something Kate had said.

"What are you doing here junior?" Bo asked as he and Roman stepped out of the shadows to the light. EJ turned to face his in-laws.

"Good evening Bo, Roman", EJ nodded demurely, "Samantha is expecting to see me."

"I doubt that", Roman replied with a disdain for the man in front of him. EJs mouth twitched.

"I assure you it's true. She demanded my presence tonight." Roman laughed a little laugh:

"She must have finally decided to ditch you and go back to Lucas, the man she truly loves." Inadvertently EJ flinched and started to look inside the pub before he could stop himself.

"I have my doubts about that", he contented himself to say.

"Well I don't. I know that my niece wants you out of her life and I'm here to save her from the trouble of sending you off", Bo huffed. This time EJ turned to really look at the blond temptress flirting inside the pub. He saw an angel enchanting everyone around her.

"Take a good long look Elvis", Romans voice was menacing, "This is the last time you'll ever set your eyes on my daughter."

"I believe you are right", EJ agreed out loud but refusing to elaborate, "If you would be so kind and give her this." EJ said handing something to Roman and nodding for a goodbye. Bo and Roman watched the tall man walk away before walking into the pub and feeling more relieved than they had felt in months.

EJ walked back to his car. He saw his tools on the back seat and a blade glimmering in the dark. His fingers started to itch as a thought was formed in his head. He glanced at the pub for one last time and thought to himself: _Why not._


	27. Chapter 27: Carved

**Chapter 27: Carved**

"What did you say?" Sami was stunned by the proclamation Lucas had made.

"I'm leaving Salem."

"Why? When? How?" Sami uttered as the shock started to wear off.

"Tomorrow by car. As to why, there are several reasons but main reason is that I really need to move on with my life", Lucas explained as he handed Joy back to her mother.

"Are you serious? Kate, what do you have to say about this?"

"I think Lucas is right, he needs to spread his wings", she paused to look into little Johnny's eyes, "And you all know how easy it's for me to let my children go." Sami tried. She even bit her sore lip but it wasn't enough to hold back the laughter.

"We know!" she said just as Bo and Roman walked into the pub looking awfully pleased with themselves.

"Dad! Uncle Bo", Sami called out for them and they came to embrace her.

"There's my girl", Roman said and held Sami just a little bit too long.

"What's wrong dad?" she asked just before Philip came in. Belle appeared from nowhere and flew into his arms. Sami and others witnessed the passionate kiss without an end.

"I guess we don't need to guess what's this family meeting is about", Lucas said quietly.

"You'll come back to the wedding wont you?" Sami asked, "Philip is your brother."

"Sure", Lucas nodded and caught Bo furrowing.

"Are you going somewhere?" Bo asked.

"Yes, I'm leaving Salem", Lucas confirmed and burst out laughing as he heard Roman saying:

"I thought you two were getting back together."

"Why would you think that?" Sami asked and explained, "This night is about Belle and Philip, but if you must know, I'm not divorcing EJ. Not now, not ever. I love him dad."

"You can't be serious", Roman sniffed, "That man raped you. He's DiMera for god's sake." Sami did her best to stay calm.

"EJ and I have talked and we've dealt with that. It's our business and our business alone. Dad, I love EJ and this, your reaction, is why I was afraid to tell you for so long. Nothing you say will change my mind. I love him and he's the only one who's never judged me even when I deserved to be judged. Can you really blame me for wanting someone like that in my life?" Roman waved his hand dismissively.

"I guess you can", disillusioned Sami noted.

"Did you ask EJ to come here tonight? To tell us just that?" Bo asked suddenly.

"Yes I did", Sami nodded, "Why do you ask?" Bo poked his brother.

"Give it to her." Roman shook his head:

"Forget it little brother."

"What are you talking about?" Sami asked taking turns at looking at the two men.

"We came across with EJ outside the pub", Bo revealed.

"He's here?" The way Sami's face lit up cut Roman deeper than anything else.

"Why hasn't he come in?" Sami asked looking straight into her fathers eyes. Roman probed his pockets and found what EJ had given him.

"Because we sent him away", Roman said and gave the key to Sami, "I'm sorry, Sami." Sami recognized the key. It was EJs copy of the house keys and he had given one just like it to Sami earlier that day. Her eyes filled with tears of rage.

"What have you done?"

"We were only trying to protect you", Bo started.

"The sad thing is that I believe you", Sami retorted to him, "but I don't need your protection. I didn't marry EJ because I wanted to end the feud between our family and his. I married him because I _wanted_ to marry him." Sami turned to give Joy back to Lucas and said:

"I need to find EJ."

"Where are you going?" Roman asked warily.

"I'm going to look for EJ and you've better pray that I find him because if I don't-" Sami was too angry to finish the threat but her tone told everything.

"Sami, where are you going?" Belle came to them just then and asked.

"I have to go but I'm so happy for you and for Philip too. Could you take care of the twins if I don't make back here in time?" Sami asked and hugged Belle in passing.

"Sure", Belle agreed but Sami was gone by then. Philip came to stand behind Belle and wrapped his arms around her.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"I don't know, but your brother looks like he might know", Belle replied and nodded to Bo.

Sami was about to drive to the house when she realized that EJ wouldn't go back there, not without his key. She considered the park where they had danced the night before their wedding and she considered the pier where they had tangoed. But EJ was nowhere to be found. Then Sami remembered that unlike her, EJ had never given up his apartment. Sami rushed to the apartment only to find it empty. No one had been there for months. She felt like breaking into pieces and she sank to sit on the floor next to the open door. _Where was EJ?_

"Miss? Are you all right?" An old lady stopped to ask her.

"Mrs", Sami corrected her automatically, "Mrs Wells. No, I'm not all right. I had a fight with my husband and now I can't find him to say I'm sorry."

"Are you talking about that tall, handsome gentleman who used to help me when he still lived here?"

"Yes", Sami sighed and clasped at the woman's hands, "Did you see him? Where did he go?"

"Yes I did, for the first time in months. He was on his way to the roof."

"Thank you so much", Sami said and rushed past her.

"A row every now and then is a good thing in a marriage", the old woman smirked, "especially the patching up part."

Sami ran up the stairs and through the door only to hear a strangled cry of pain.

"EJ?"

"Yes, barely", he replied and Sami saw him holding his bloody finger.

"Are you hurt? What happened?" Sami rushed over to him and took his hand in hers.

"It's nothing. I just cut myself when you came barging through that door", he said and nodded to the door. Sami agreed after seeing the small cut and she jabbed her finger in his shoulder.

"You scared me. When Bo and dad told me what happened, I left the pub to find you. Why on earth did you come here?" Sami asked as EJ slipped his tools into his back pocket. He just smiled and nodded at the door she had flown through earlier. Sami went and closed it and saw what EJ had been working on. He had carved a heart with their initials in it for her. And this heart was much prettier than the two Carrie had under it.

"E.J.W. and S.G.B.", Sami said quietly and felt her heart melt, "I think you forgot something." She walked to him and slipped her arms under his coat and around his waist. She looked up to him and whispered.

"I think you should add one more letter to my initials, I'm Samantha Wells now." She couldn't quite interpret his gaze as EJ hesitated and said:

"I love you Samantha." She furrowed as she could hear the tears he was holding back in his voice.

"I love you too", she said and pulled EJ down to a kiss. As their lips parted Sami could feel something was still wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asked just as her phone rang, "Hold that thought. I have to answer this, it's about the twins."

EJ watched as Sami removed the finger she had laid on his lips to silence him and walked few steps away to talk to her mother. He felt his heart breaking as he wrapped a handkerchief around his sore finger. She looked so beautiful, like an angel. His Samantha could never quite pass for a saint but an angel she most definitely was. The problem was that EJ missed the vixen, the little devil that he had fallen in love with. This Samantha who had been in his arms just a moment ago, wasn't the same woman any more. This was the version of Sami Brady her family approved and accepted. This was the woman who denied her true self to fit in. And as much as EJ loved her, all of her, he too deserved more. He deserved someone to love him absolutely and completely, unconditionally. And he deserved to be the first choice of the woman he loved, not second to a ungrateful family of hers.

He glanced at the heart he had carved for her, for the Samantha he had fallen in love with. EJ had remembered how Samantha had cried that night she had been about to get engaged with Austin. She had spoken to a friend she had thought EJ was to her. She had told about the hearts others had carved for her sister, not for her, never for her. When Bo and Roman had confronted EJ, he had finally had to accept, that the woman he loved no longer existed. He would never share a life with her and he would never raise her children as his own. He would never dance with her like they had danced and he would never blot out her tears with his handkerchief. The pain of that realization had made EJ want to cut out his heart and that was exactly what he had done. He had cut out his heart and carved it on to the door for her, for the real Samantha he had fallen in love with. EJ took the handkerchief stained with his blood and let it slip from his fingers. He glanced at the shell of the woman he loved and made himself take the most difficult steps he would ever take. EJ walked away from Samantha and left Salem behind him, for good.

_An End_


End file.
